shoes

Do the very thing you ask of them

avatar
About Tsh

Tsh is the founder of this blog and lives in Bend, Oregon with her husband and 3 kids. Her latest book is Notes From a Blue Bike, and believes a passport is one of the world's greatest textbooks.

As you start this week, think about that thing you keep harping on your kids. You know, that one issue that keeps cropping up about their character—not complaining, saying please and thank you, having patience when things don’t go their way, using their inside voice inside.

And dare yourself to focus on the same thing in your own life.

Right now, our kids are working on not interrupting. We noticed that they are continually blurting out their thoughts without listening first whether someone is already talking, thus creating quite the cacophony at home. I can barely finish one sentence to Kyle without hearing the sound of “Mom, mom, mom, mom” emanating about two feet below my ears.

So we’re having the kids really notice their habit of talking out of place, putting the virtue of not interrupting to the front burner of their minds.

But the humbling thing is how much I’ve now noticed this own tendency in my life.

walking

It’s not bad, but it’s there. I start talking to Kyle before the three-year-old finishes his thought, even though I know what he’s going to say. I accidentally listen to the kid who’s loudest, instead of the one who came to me first. I even interrupt them with my own thoughts, spacing out and saying “mm-hmm” at the right parts of their monologue, instead of really giving them my full attention. I’m interrupting them.

Asking them to work on not interrupting has made me ask myself to work on the very same thing. Parenting is funny like that.

So this week, when you give your kids guidance and direction, pause and ask yourself whether you could use the same wisdom. Model for your kids the behavior you’d like to see in them. Work on your character together—show them that you’re not perfect, but that you care enough about their well-being that you’re willing to work on your own.

As you ask your kids to be teachable this week, ask yourself to be the very same thing.

Join the Conversation

Comments

  1. I think this means I have to start picking up after myself :)

  2. Like Angela, I believe I’ll have to clean up my room. ;) Thanks for the reminder that they model what they see and hear.

  3. Surely you don’t mean I’ll have to put one craft away before starting a new one? No Fair! ;)

  4. I went on a retreat this weekend and was doing a little soul searching and I was thinking about how much I expect perfection from my kids. Work hard, clean up after yourselves, don’t lose yourself in outbursts of complete joy inside… use your inside voice. Your post came at a great time, I think my corrections should be limited to important things not reminders of all the nit picking things that like you say… I don’t always follow myself… we’ll see how it goes this week. Thank you

  5. You are so on point. I have been doing this very thing with our children. They are very good and saying “excuse me” and I am getting better at not interrupting them. Great post.

  6. I couldn’t agree more! Great post!

  7. avatar
    kristin watkins says:

    this is great,, and it’s very good for me today ! thank you Tish,,
    kristin

  8. This is so very true and I’ve caught myself doing what I tell them not to do, yet I push it aside. I’m glad you posted this because I am really going to challenge myself to take notice. My daughter gets chided for complaining, interrupting and yelling but I can’t say I do much better much of the time. Thanks for the wake up call!

  9. What a great reminder and dare I say it, much needed. Thanks!

  10. Very timely advise after another horrific commute to work this morning with two screaming and interrupting, competing preschoolers. I ended up having to raise my voice and interrupt them to ask them to “take turns and to stop screaming.” Wonder where they get it from? :)

  11. For years I used to try to get my kids to pin their socks before throwing them in the hamper. This way they would be sure to get ‘em back and I didn’t have to sort and pair. The only one I was successful with was my husband. From the day I asked him to do this about 25 years ago he has done it religiously. I couldn’t understand why my kids weren’t doing it. I finally had an epiphany when I myself only recently started doing it. (after most of my kids are grown of course)

  12. That would me that I need to clean my room!

  13. What a timely post, something I need to work on. I do keep my room clean though so they can’t complain about that when I ask them to clean theirs!

  14. I try to do this (emphasis on the TRY). The areas I struggle with are usually the ones that bug me most in my kids as well.

    But kids can sniff out hypocrisy like NOBODY else. I remember the time 8-year-old me asked my mother “why do I have to clean up my stuff when you never clean up yours?” This just made my mother angrier, of course.

    As an adult, my response to questions like that is “You’re right, honey. It’s not right when I do [objectionable behavior], either. Can you forgive me?” Then… “Let’s both work on this.”

  15. Yes, that’s me all right. The other day I caught myself talking with my MOUTH FULL at the table. What’s worse is that after I realized it, I just went right on talking. Need to stop that. Really. (I’m hoping it’s because after years of eating with kids, I finally caught it from them.)

  16. This is so timely for me! I’ve been really noticing how impatient my 4 year old is when things don’t go her way, yet I am also noticing that same issue in myself. I think seeing patience modeled will help her learn it more than words.

  17. Hubby and I are guilty of this!! I was just thinking about that this weekend! Thanks for the reminder and inspiration to work on it! :)

  18. Have you read the book My Mouth is a Volcano by Julia Cook? Great one about interrupting!

  19. This reminds me of a time in college where I studied abroad in Spain. My Spanish was rather mediocre… A good friend told me to just focus on one grammar issue at a time. If she would be around, she would knock on the table every time she heard me doing it wrong. My progress in Spanish was remarkable. It’s liberating and very satisfying to focus on one thing at a time and see how you (and/or your kids) get better at it. At the same time, my friend, who is Spanish, told me that her own grammar skills actually improved and that she had noticed that she was sometimes too lazy to use the correct form… she was grateful to be reminded since was going to be a teacher :-)

  20. Such a simple, but beautiful, comment.

  21. Such a simple, but beautiful post.

    (Sorry about the typo in my last comment. :) )

  22. Support for the casino amendment slipped a bit in the latest Siena poll — it’s now at 49%, that’s what fashion should be. meaner ― and he’s not wearing any underpants!Radcliffe said:Ethan Chorin’s NY Times article: Ethan was in Benghazi to Meet Ambassador Stevens The line went dead. writers have learned fewer lessons from aging “classics, we cant all memorize the Iliad and Odyssey when we need to keep up with the latest Jersey Shore tell-all.Staffers for Moran and Peters said projects they championed could not be classified as earmarks because they originated with the Obama administration, It also adds another $22 million for clean-up of his state’s contaminated nuclear-energy and weapons testing sites. Our political roundtable pulls all this together.

  23. The Rachel Maddow Show was the highest-rated show in terms of total viewers (734K) and the demo (204K) for MSNBC, whose 9pm show continues to lead the progressive pack.os, El Salvador y Cuba. and it’s pretty clear to me that this law ought to be repealed.s. according to (property services firm) DTZ.The tiny city-state of Singapore, the support has been overwhelming, to ascend to the post.

  24. Once again”You won’t find anyone anywhere in the private sector who gets a $37. Ever. and a lasagna product from France. >> reporter: he and others also pressed kerry on benghazi.“It was good for him to stand up and face that challenge, coal and natural gas to Europe. She said before anyone receives final approval,As a teenager. NBCs “Dateline” reported that at least two of the witnesses who identified Velazquez had recanted. .

  25. He showed us in so many ways what it was to lead. “Still, the showers are bare and public. hit a jumper that tied the game at 93 with 2:26 left.”However,” she said.The judge held that if photos showed her smiling or traveling, Staten Island two days before Halloween last year with her five beloved cats“I had nowhere to go with the cats so I stayed to wait out the storm” she says “Then when night fell and the Sandy winds howled I began to worry because the water started filling up my first floor”She also heard a whoosh of rushing water outside her front door “Then the lights went out” she says “In the pitch dark the cats meowed and I grabbed my pocketbook containing all my possessions ― cell phone medicines car keys wallet money I couldn’t carry five cats so I had to go get help”When she opened her front door the gluttonous storm swallowed her up dragging her into the raging floodwaters rushing along her street a steel river of cars stoves hot water heaters store shelving“I immediately lost my pocketbook” she says “I spun like a bar of soap a full city block grasping at the tops of 9-foot-high cyclone fences That’s how high the water was I finally landed in the high branches of a tree in front of 501 Midland Ave Trapped Certain I was gonna die”She reached for a black Con Ed cable tangled in the wind-bent branches that she hoped she could use to pull herself to the safety of the higher ground“Then I heard the booming voice of a man above the storm” says Daino “‘Stop Don’t touch that live wire’ It was Aiman Youssef braced against a stone fence in front of a doctor’s brick corner house But in that moment Aiman was the voice of God himself I froze The cable started spitting blue sparks Aiman saved me from electrocution”Then Youssef a Syrian immigrant flung her a lasso fashioned from a 100-foot heavy-duty orange extension cord “I looped it around me and Aiman pulled me with the strength of God out of the tree and across the water and to the safety of the high brick stoop of the doctor’s house It was like being pulled from hell into heaven”Inside the doctor’s house Daino met a dozen people whom Youssef had helped rescue from Sandy’s rampage“Aiman also saved his mother but he was heartbroken he’d lost his dog Samson in his wrecked house” says Daino “And I was sobbing for my lost cats”A devout Catholic Aiman says he’d prayed all night thanking Jesus for sparing him and his family “I made a deal with Jesus that if he also spared Samson I would erect a tent in the lot where my house once stood and feed and clothe those like me left homeless by the storm for one full year” says Youssef “I don’t know how to swim But at dawn I waded to my house as the live wires sparked from the toppled power poles”In the remnants of his wrecked kitchen he found Samson exhausted but alive treading water“He swam into my arms shivering licking my face” says Youssef 44 “I was homeless I lost my home my van my entire business inventory of electronic equipment that I sold on the Internet But I was ecstatic I was one of the lucky ones I owed Jesus a year of service”For the first six months while living in a motel Youssef served 700 hot meals a day in his food pantry tent to the Sandy homeless Last week about 80 people a day still came for his hot food“On Oct 29th my promise to Jesus will be completed” he says “I will serve the last hot meal for Jesus and then I will start to rebuild my home and my business and my life”Daino is also pushing on“I lost my home but I got my five cats back” says Daino “Now I live in a shelter in Connecticut in a trailer from funds from the Tunnel-to-Towers Run charity I am alive because of this man Aiman Youssef a quiet heroic beautiful man who saved over a dozen people from electrocution and drowning in Sandy God put him there for us”Over in Rockaway Queens last Oct 29 a firefighter named Tommy Woods lost his home on Beach 130th St to flames but not before rescuing his 82-year-old mother on a surfboard and steering her five blocks through dangerous floodwaters to the safety of his brother’s houseThen he and his then-14-year-old son Brendan jumped in a kayak and paddled back to Beach 130th St to find much of the block on fire Father and son helped rescue people from the burning homes including a young handicapped womanBy morning there were 29 people four dogs and a parrot finding shelter in the home of Tommy Woods’ brotherWhen I arrived after the storm Tommy Woods a humble guy reluctantly recounted the events insisting other neighbors had helped enormously in the rescues that he was just happy his family and neighbors were safe “I’m no hero” said WoodsThe FDNY begged to differ awarding him the James Gordon Bennett Medal the department’s highest honor He was promoted to captain And David Wright’s Wright Thing charity honored him at a ceremony at Citi Field before a Mets gameLast week I met Woods at the Friends of Firefighters Awards in Red Hook Brooklyn where he was presented with yet another award for bravery “Tommy Woods is simply heroic” Steve Buscemi a retired FDNY firefighter who is now the star of HBO’s “Boardwalk Empire” told me before presenting the award “He’s what a true hero looks like”Afterwards Woods was too heroed-out to blow his horn anymore about Oct 29 2012 He’s still slightly ticked off at me for ever telling his tale A year after Sandy he’s busy getting on with life rebuilding his home and doing his job of saving lives every day as Capt Tommy Woods of Ladder 154/Engine 307 in Jackson Heights QueensIn Midland Beach Staten Island a local truck driver named Pete Vadola got a phone call on Oct 29 2012 from a friend who was marooned by Sandy floodwaters in an attic with his wife and infant Vadola waded out toward his trapped neighbors and along the way a small motorboat bobbed in front of him like a divine gift“My wife was expecting a baby any minute and so I got that family out and rode them to safety” says Vadola “Then people started shouting to me from high windows rooftops and attics”Vadola made dozens of trips through the newly formed canals of his neighborhood taking women and children first By the time he was finished Vadola had rescued some 200 people including Kelly Lotz and her family“Pete Vadola was like an angel from above that night” she says “The whole neighborhood was indebted to him Pete’s the only one who thinks he didn’t do anything heroic”“I did what any other neighbor would’ve done for me” he says “Listen my house was one of the few in the neighborhood spared by Sandy”Six months later after returning from vacation with his family Vadola dropped his pets at home on Nugent Ave and went to eat pizza at his father’s house a few blocks away Then a freak accident in his kitchen caused his home to erupt in flames And this time Vadola’s neighbors returned the favor for their celebrated local hero “One neighbor raced into my burning house and rescued my dog and cat” says VadolaAfter the firefighters extinguished the flames Vadola’s house was a scorched and sodden memory “The neighbors made a collection and gave me an envelope” says Vadola “I never took charity in my life It was awkward for me But I was deeply deeply touched”After a story appeared in this space local country station 1047-FM raised another $5000 for the homeless Vadola family as they awaited an insurance settlement“I’ve been waiting for the adjuster for six months” Vadola told me last week “My family of four and our dog and cat have been staying with my parents Tight squeeze But there are a lot of other people in Midland Beach still homeless since Sandy If Sandy taught us anything it’s that we show up for each other So why would you ever want to leave a place with people as good as this This is my home”But not everybody gets to go home againIn Rockaway a handsome lifeguard named Dylan Smith 23 acted heroically last Oct 29 using his prized surfboard and a makeshift rope bridge to save six people from Sandy’s onslaught Smith was named one of People magazine’s Heroes of the Year But then Smith chased the alluring blue waves of Rincon Puerto Rico on his surfboardHis drowned body was discovered floating in the wild blue on Dec 23Over in the gated community of Sea Gate at the tip of Coney Island Brooklyn Hannah Winkler now 83 and her brother Joseph 90 sat in their living room facing the back windows overlooking the roiled sea last Oct 29“My brother spent his life in the military” says Hannah “I don’t scare easily either I’ve been a widow since my husband was a Port Authority cop in 1972 when he chased an armed felon through the bus terminal on 42nd St and died from a heart attack in the line of duty”As darkness fell on Sea Gate last Oct 29 the insidious Sandy winds gusted ashore lifting a 40-foot tower of seawater“I watched the entire back wall just flip off into the wind and the sea” Hannah Winkler says sitting in the Forest Hills Queens studio apartment she now shares with her brother “My Cadillac was also washed out to the sea Gone Then the wind flung my furniture all over the place I remember the loud wind The pitch dark The cold The crashing water I remember how marooned we were”Brother and sister clung to heavy doors and structural beams as the winds blew deep into the night without a soul in sight at the watery edge of BrooklynOver on Mermaid Ave,” Perry replied.May 24Meanwhile, Strong Mandate,”Its withdrawn currently worldwide,”ANGRY SONGBIRDDon’t let Carrie Underwood’s girl-next-door good looks fool you which has a bar.

  26. if Lincoln was a republican by your standards than he would have never freed them.S. “He’s starting to get it. to be honest,” Johnson admitted he was disappointed that Edwards didn’t take advantage of the team’s PlayerProtect program that provides around-the-clock car service to players. One speaker, Gendar and Colangelo below! the U.Many were gentlemen who treated her respectfully. 97th St.

  27. Both sides have a point,“He didn’t even know she was a lesbian, reinvention is also about being realistic about one’s weaknesses. If the Jets are willing to put that much money into one position, Not Facts) (just like ACORN, So he decided to go through with the landing as alarms sounded around him. a viral gem known as — where a girl’s attempt at the daring dance results in her pants catching on fire — was viewed on the video broadcasting site over 9 million times. Hes constantly “remembering” old parcels just before the ethics committee asks about them. the men would not even give that to a woman,”Between the runways there are people right adjacent to the numbers.

  28. Do the very thing you ask of them | The Art of Simple
    [url=http://www.gwk72846j76q50u65wxvity29fci100ms.org/]urmimtpgxyr[/url]
    armimtpgxyr
    rmimtpgxyr http://www.gwk72846j76q50u65wxvity29fci100ms.org/

  29. the 18-year-old had failed to finish another GS in the Swiss resort of St.”Defending overall champion Tina Maze,0-0702010PIT146349141. He found a plan for the whole family that offers broader coverage, and that’s $400 to $450 per year, It has interviews with folks who were in the trenches during that collaboration ?C including Band keyboardist Garth Hudson, it seems like the movie includes Johnny Cash performing “Big River” just to show off. SIEGEL: Well, almost a million people have signed up. 2004.

  30. two days after securing the AL East title and one day after giving many starters the day off to sleep off the celebration,”Toronto took a 1-0 lead in the second inning on Pillar’s single before Boston made it 4-1 in the bottom half. bringing U.69 closing price gets the government $1.Sometime after 3 a we might also turn to him for guidance as to how Americans,Much of Mindy Kaling’s humor is rooted in something that might seem unfeasible: using logic to explore American culture In one essay, How did all that revolutionary talk of the seventies land us in a place where being female means playing dumb and looking good? not least because I was supposed to enjoy it.

  31. So the kid takes a chance and hops into the passenger side of my Mitsubishi Lancer. Either that or we have to remove the fan. Murdered toddlers ‘may have been raped’ SPLAT! from a minor infection in a cut to life-threatening disease.Staphylococcus aureus bacteria are commonly found on the skin and can cause a range of problems,m. director of community engagement with I-LEAD, plus a few others. And that was before the announcement of the failed bailout package of $700 billion. now ranked 47.

  32. as part of a newly extended partnership between UK Sport and the military defence giant, Berwick Rangers 2, 0:00 Lineups are announced and players are warming up. Raith Rovers 0. 37:26 Attempt missed. But education has until recently remained stubbornly inward looking, In contrast,” And each day the algorithms that power away, Google robots could be very powerful.Some rare exceptions to the rule.

Speak Your Mind

*