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9 Comments

  1. Sarah W

    Lagging skills! I wish someone had told me about this when my now 14yr old boy was say 5! Sadly I didn’t find out about lagging skills till he was 12! We spend the next 18 months working on building skills and this last month launched a strong freshman. It was hard work. Some days still is but knowing his behaviour might be more about missing or lagging skills than anything else is a game changer!

    Reply
    • Amber Black

      Thanks for jumping in with this, Sarah. I totally agree! It’s also been helpful to see myself in terms of “lagging skills” (rather than just forever-fail). I’m so happy to hear about your son!

      Reply
  2. Alicen

    Knowing your limit is key, and your feelings when you are just about there are good to know as well.
    Getting my kids to bed on time is important for me to not get beyond my limit!

    Reply
  3. Audry Kessler

    Thank you so much for sharing, Amber! I will definitely check out Marie Kondo’s method and address some of my own lagging skills at your encouragement.

    Reply
    • Amber Black

      Hi Audry, I’d love to hear how it goes! It is intense and thorough, and I’m not anywhere near done, but I feel like I get what she’s getting at and have made a ton of progress toward her method. Good luck!

      Reply
  4. Jackie

    Hi, thanks for these great tips. What grocery delivery service do you use? I tried Amazon Fresh twice and wasn’t thrilled. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Amber Black

      Hi Jackie! Well… I’m afraid I won’t be much help here as I live in Lebanon and the grocery store that delivers here isn’t in the U.S. But my friend in the states just told me she does grocery pick-up and it works similarly for her. Maybe ask around in your area and see if anyone has heard of something nearby? Sorry I can’t be more of a help!

      Reply
  5. dee

    What do you do when the “lagging skills” belong to your husband?

    Reply
    • Amber Black

      Dee – I laughed out loud when I read this. Because I think we all have this issue with our spouses. (And they with us!) I talked with my husband at length about this and I don’t have any easy answers for you. I think this would make a great future post, but here’s what I have for now. First, I think before asking our spouses to address their own lagging skills, it’s helpful to address any of our own that they might be asking for. For Brady and I, most often, the thing we want the other person to grow in feels impossible to them. And the other person’s standards on the matter can feel impossibly high to the other person, who often just doesn’t get what’s being asked. That’s us, anyway.

      But taking one of their requests seriously, trying to figure it out, and taking action is a great first step. I also suspect that if, while doing this, you begin to share aloud (briefly, respectfully) seeing your own “lagging skills,” and thus giving this oft-overlooked reality a name without condemning it… one can also pave the way for future discussions where lagging skills aren’t something condemnable, but just a part of life that we deal with, just as you’ve now done for their sake.

      If/when you decide to tackle the conversation directly, I suggest using LOTS of empathy. Statements like, “I know there are plenty of things I do that bug you, and just like I try and you don’t always notice I know you’ve probably tried and I haven’t noticed…” or “I know this is a lot to ask because we just see things differently and some things you notice I never think about, and maybe this is one of those things that I notice and you never think about…” might help. If not one of those, just some kind of wording that puts you in their shoes and assures them you aren’t just criticizing and condemning can be really helpful.

      Thanks for asking about this; it’s given me a lot to think about!

      Reply

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