Why does it seem easier for some people to make new habits than others? Maybe it’s not so much that it’s easier for them—maybe they’re just forming a new habit in a way that works best for them. The deluge of conflicting information out there on how to make new habits (and break old ones) can only mean one thing: there’s no one right answer in how to best do it.
Gretchen Rubin loves studying this sort of stuff, so in this episode of The Simple Show, she and I talk all about habits. Her research led her to this idea that we can each fall in to one of four tendencies—upholders, questioners, obligers, and rebels—and knowing which one you are is monumentally helpful in habit forming.
She’s well-known for her bestselling book The Happiness Project, and her newest book, Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits–to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life is now available in paperback.
This is a fantastic chat about why we do what we do, and how we best become the best version of ourselves. We could have talked for hours!
Listen in here:
(If you’re reading this via email, head here to listen to the episode.)
Links from this episode:
- Gretchen’s blog
- Gretchen’s podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin
- Gretchen’s books: The Happiness Project, Happier at Home, and Better Than Before
- Connect with Gretchen online: on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook
- The 4 Tendencies Quiz (I’m a Questioner—what are you? Tell me in the comments below.)
- Tsh’s favorite online Myers-Briggs personality test
- Scroll to Episode 6 of The Simple Show, where Tsh talks to Leigh Kramer about the Enneagram
- Upstream Field Guide, Tsh’s self-paced e-course to help you better understand who you are
- Gretchen’s happy thing: podcasts!
- Tsh’s happy thing: The Great British Baking Show
…And don’t forget to try out ePantry, a fantastic little service to help simplify your life—have the routine things you use at home sent right to your door.
I can’t wait to listen to this one! As a fellow INTJ, I also happen to be a Questioner. And I just got into the Great British Baking Show – so much nicer than the typical American reality TV show! Anyway, I’ve found that habits (good, bad, or the lack thereof) are key in our ability to live intentionality or to fall into default/convention. Understanding how habits work gives a big leg up on achieving your dreams and living in line with your true values.
I’m reading both of your books right now – “Notes from a blue bike” and “Better than before” so it’s rather serendipitous to come across this podcast tonight. The two books seem to be connected. “Notes” is what – live life with intention and purpose. “Better” is how – develop helpful habits and eliminate the ones that detract.
Loved this interview, Tsh! I’m also a Questioner. I’m married to an Upholder, which makes things interesting sometimes. Until listening to your podcast today I’d forgotten that we’d heard Gretchen speak at WDS a few years ago. My husband and I had some good conversations after that WDS about how we can support each other in developing better habits. I think I now need to get Gretchen’s book.
I devoured the Great British Baking Show and absolutely loved it. Now I just want to go to the UK, live in their tent, and have them teach me how to bake everything!
I literally finished Better than Before last week, so I was pleasantly surprised to hear Gretchen’s voice on the podcast. I am an Obliger and think Upholder would be my secondary. I’m pretty sure my husband is a Questioner. I am looking forward to reading her next book on the four tendencies.
Also a questioner. I love all of Rubin’s books. Thanks for the great interview.
Loved this interview! I’ve recommended her podcast to so many people. Habit formation is so fascinating!
The observation that Questioners are most likely to be unsure which one they are seems true to me – I wasn’t sure until I took Gretchen’s quiz, but I’m a Questioner. And when I thought about it, I realized that I’ve had more than one discussion with my doctor that went something like, “Yeah, I see your reasoning for for recommending that behavior change, but I’m not committed to it and I’d be lying if I told you I was going to do it.” I think that’s possibly a textbook example of Questioner behavior! External authority doesn’t matter as much as internal commitment.
Thanks for the British baking recommendation! My kids and I love it- it’s hard to find something we all can agree on!
I have read Gretchen’s book and listen to her podcast but somehow the way she described the tendencies here I finally figured out what I am so I’m grateful for this episode!
Thanks
I’m a longtime fan of Gretchen Rubin’s, and I read this latest book–Better than Before–and found it paradigm-altering when it came to how I think about habits in my own life.
It was perfect timing, too, because each December, I actually challenge my students (I’m a 7th grade English teacher) to do their own Happiness Project, and this year when I taught the unit, I had the students implement many of the strategies from this latest book, with great results. My students, like Rubin, set a few habits they could start implementing based on happiness research and then charted their progress much like she mentioned in The Happiness Project. This is now the 3rd year that I’ve done the unit, and most of the students say that it’s been life-changing.
I’m not usually a huge podcast listener, but I couldn’t pass this one up. Thank you, Gretchen Rubin, for inspiring us all with your work!
I listened to the podcast yesterday, and I took the quiz. I thought I would be a questioner, but I am a Rebel. I was surprised at first, but when I thought about it, it made sense.
I’ve just discovered this podcast (a bit late to the party, but oh well!) and I love it! I’m based in the UK and I’ve been looking for a podcast to listen to at work and this is great! General chat about house stuff and self-care…subscribed!
Also, quick note about the baking show…over here it’s ‘The Great British Bake Off’, and it’s a firm favourite! You’ll be sad to know that Mary Berry has now left the show because it’s jumped channels (and she didn’t want to leave the Beeb). Trust me, you’re in for a treat if you haven’t watched it! More scones and Victoria Sponges than you can shake a wooden spoon at!