How to teach him to romance you

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by Alisa

Alisa Bowman is the marriage expert for every woman, and writes the popular marriage blog Project Happily Ever After. A former senior editor at Runner’s World magazine, she has been a guest on national tv and radio programs and featured in USA Today, Redbook, First magazines, and more.

Not long ago, one of my headlights burned out. My husband stayed home that evening—instead of going out with his friends—so he could replace it for me.

I considered it an act of romance.
He chose to help me rather than have fun that night—and he did it without me nagging or hinting that I’d like him to do it. I felt absolutely loved.

Now, after nearly 12 years of marriage, it’s these Acts of Adoration that I’ve come to appreciate. There was a time early in our relationship when I wanted him to prove his love with material gifts, chivalry, dinners out or flowers. Then we became parents. Then our marriage fell apart in a big way. Then we worked on things and got to a much better place.

And now I just want one thing: to know he adores me.

Perhaps you are the same. The problem in marriage—and especially after kids come into the picture—is this: we forget to adore each other. We assume our partners already know that we appreciate them. We take our partners for granted.

Worse, if things are strained, we not only slack off on the Acts of Adoration, we practice Acts of Romantic Sabotage instead. We make sarcastic remarks, roll our eyes, and criticize more than we thank.

Or maybe this only happened in my marriage? At any rate, I can tell you this: when the Acts of Romantic Sabotage outnumbered the Acts of Adoration, my marriage was in its worst state ever. I even went as far to plan my husband’s funeral on the off chance he might conveniently drop dead. Talk about sabotage.

It took some practice to get in the habit of practicing Acts of Adoration. It helped for me to ask myself this question on a regular basis: Will this make my husband think I love him or that I hate him?

It also helped for me to list Acts of Affection. It was in creating these lists that I realized that romance isn’t really about flowers or dinners out. It’s really about making someone feel loved and adored.

You can do this, too. Here’s how.


Photo by Sean McGraths

1. Show that you’re listening to him.

Doing exactly the right thing to show your spouse that you have been listening and paying attention. Getting him a cold beer from the fridge before he asks for it, buying his favorite strawberry bars at the grocery store, giving him space when he seems stressed.

2. Making your spouse’s life easier–even if it makes your life harder.

Pick up his dry cleaning after you hear him mention that he keeps forgetting to do it; do a small favor for him; buy his mother a birthday gift.

3. Understand his differences.

Showing your spouse just how much you want to understand him, especially how he is different from you. Asking about his hobby, watching sports with him even if you don’t like them, making a fuss whenever he takes care of a rodent problem or fixes something that’s broken (especially if you don’t do these things yourself).

4. Letting him know that you think he rocks.

Marvel at his parenting abilities, compliment him, and tell your friends how great a husband you have—and do it while he is in earshot.

But, you may be wondering, how do you reverse this? How do you get him to return the favor?

One way is to just talk about it. Be vulnerable and tell him that you do not feel as adored as you’d like—and that you’d like him to show adoration more. Then talk about ways he can show that he adores you.

Another is to do what a good friend of mine did: write suggestions on his calendar, like “buy Alisa flowers” and “call Alisa to tell her I love her.”

Yet another way is to do what I did and create a Romance Instruction Manual for him to carry around and consult as needed. It would list Acts of Adoration like, “Tell Alisa she’s beautiful” and “Empty the dishwasher without being asked.”

Try it and watch the romance come back into your life in a big way.

Giveaway time

Simple Mom readers — Alisa is giving away five of you copies of her new book, Project: Happily Ever After! It tells the story of of how she went from wishing her husband dead to renewing her wedding vows.

1. To enter, leave a comment on this post, answering this question — How do you like to romance your spouse? (If you’re reading this via email, you must click over to comment on the blog directly).

2. For an additional entry, mention this giveaway on either Facebook (use the link http://bit.ly/eFqL0L) or Twitter (mentioning @SimpleMom and @AlisaBowman). Then come back here and leave an additional comment letting me know.

This giveaway will end Saturday, February 12 at 11:59 pm CST. I’ll announce the winners this Sunday. I hope you win!

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Comments

  1. avatar
    natalie Anthony says:

    My husband and I have known eachother since 2005. We were married in 2007, had the first child in 2008, second in early 2010, and now #3 is on the way. We’ve gone through major stresses including lack of acceptance from in-laws, a foreclosure & bankruptcy, and battling an addiction that nearly tore us apart.

    We fight a lot, but one of the ways I try to add romance is by making sure he knows I believe in him. He’s a strong provider, and I am able to stay home with the kids. I never let a day go by that I don’t thank God and him for this great gift. The other small way is to make sure no matter how crazy life gets, our bedroom is a haven with clean bedding, and no little messes/toddler trails. Lastly, I know he appreciates a tidy home and a good dinner after a long day. I’ve trained the kids to pick up toys before dad gets home, and have learned some of his favorite recipes over the last few years.

  2. I definitely try to do what he enjoys doing. Whether I’m playing a game with him that he enjoys, talking about news, or listening to who he is excited about his football team drafting, I would say that I listen to romance him. I love getting him little somethings, since that’s my ‘love language,’ but I know it isn’t his so I try to hug him, hold his hand, or just touch his shoulder as I pass by. It isn’t easy, but I guess it could be summed up as doing what he likes, even when it isn’t what I enjoy.

  3. Oh man would I love to win a copy of this book. It sounds like exactly what I need right now… :) I’d say the most I do these days to romance my husband is to have dinner ready for him when he gets home from work and periodically make surprise weekend plans that I know he’ll like. Otherwise, both of us need help in the romance department. Thanks for the chance to win a copy of this great-sounding book.

  4. I have a hard time romancing my husband, but after reading this post, I see that I do things that could be considered romantic like when I go out of my way to do errands for him. I plan on spoiling him for our 10 year anniversary with all the things I would like, like a night away from the kids, a massage, his favorite foods, etc.

  5. I shared this on Facebook!

  6. I generally romance him by making or buying him special foods. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? Really, though, I need some ideas, because I’m terrible at this type of thing.

  7. avatar
    Sara Schwab says:

    I romance my hubby by cooking decent meals. When I go out, I try to pick him up a little treat to bring home. And once in awhile I will surprise him with a weekend date.

  8. The ways I romance my husband? Well, it’s a bit lean here these days. It’s the simple things, like cooking his favorite meals and making sure there are leftovers for work lunches; making sure he has enough work clothes that are clean; getting that chambray shirt he’s been needing.

  9. I shared the giveaway on my FB page.

  10. avatar
    Lynn Crapo says:

    I can certainly relate to many things said in this post.

    After 6 kids….7 moves…..twice gone through major job layoffs…..(the last one being just a year ago….that lasted over a year)……I THINK I am finally catching on to what really matters when it comes to showing each other adoration. We are closer than we’ve ever been before. Thank goodness. But I won’t take it for granted. It takes constant doing. Constant awareness. Constant evaluating. I would love to win a copy of that book.

    Great post!

    P.S. I romance my hubby by taking the time to LISTEN. Even when I am way too busy. Even when he has already told me the same thing over and over again. And has forgotten that he has already told me. I just quietly listen. And only interject when he ASKS me a question. ; D

  11. I stand behind him, no matter what. We’ve had major problems, but he knows my love for him is stronger then anything we’ve been up against. I also try to perform little acts of kindness/romance every chance I get. From leaving notes in the car or his wallet, to cooking his favorite meals. I also occasionally do his chores for him when I know he’s having a hard day at work or school.

  12. I usually romance hubby with food. We try to eat very healthy, but he’s a meat and potatoes guy, so once a week I’ll cook to cater to him and make a sweet treat for him (which the kids love helping with). We try to do a date night in 2x or more a month-its free and just requires planning to put the kids to bed early. :-)

  13. avatar
    Julie Nguy says:

    I’m subscribe via RSS feed. Thanks!

  14. I romance my hubby with food- cooking and baking. I too try to dress up for him. Haven’t any thought on how to celebrate our #10 Wedding anniversary this year though.
    Am subscribed via RSS feed and posted this to facebook and tweeted about it.

  15. As a Mom of three as well as a nurse and a woman trying to get a business off of the ground; I can totally relate to this post! (Thank-you!!!)
    I think that sometimes we fall into this rut of same old, same old with our spouses. So I created “Get Lucky 7″ and shared it on our website. It is a series of 7 completely different dates of different price ranges (from free to however much you are capable of spending). Some dates took practically no planning while some took some organizing. (Movie night in to full out Filet Mignon Candlelight Dinner) I tried to think of things that he would enjoy too – even if it wasn’t my top choice. We only have one more to go and I have to say it has been a blast trying new things together!
    Another thing that we have done in the past is each put five date ideas in a jar. Each week we would alternate who would choose from the jar. (This person also makes it happen!) We had ‘date night’ once every week to two weeks.
    I say do whatever it takes to keep the love alive!
    It hasn’t always been easy but we keep trying, learning, and growing together!
    PS: He does nice things for me too. :) Tonight he rented Valentines Day and we sat together and snuggled after the kiddies were in bed. (We have been very busy and we missed each other). On the weekend he bought me a mini Daffodil plant, ‘Just Because’.

  16. oh how i need this book – seriously evidenced by the fact that i have no real answer to how i romance my husband as we are in the worst rut of our 16 year realtionship. I would say i show him i care by doing nice things in anticipation of his needs or by supporting him emotionally, but most of it is undone by our bickering!

  17. I am not married yet but I think what matter most are the small acts of love. I would probably cook for him, emotionally support him and not hurt his ego
    I would love to win this

  18. Id love to win this book! I romance my hubby by leaving him a cup of tea ready to make when he gets home in the middle of the night from late shift at work – the tea bag and sugar already in the cup and the kettle full of water ready to boil. He knows I’ve thinking of him at work supporting our family!

  19. What a great post. My hubby-to-be is so good at making me feel adored, and in our relationship he has taught me so much about the power of small loving gestures. He makes me breakfast without asking, and puts mine in a bowl with a spoon, just the way I like it, even though his is on a plate with a fork. I’m learning to stop whatever I’m doing (I’m a lifelong do-aholic) and give him an unexpected hug or kiss, or bring home his favorite take-out dinner once in a while, or give him a massage when he’s stressed out. I find that our Acts of Adoration are often manifest in taking a time-out from our busy-ness, and becoming present with each other. That is huge.

  20. This post is right on the mark. We do forget to adore each other. Right now we are going through a very stressful time and it takes all our energy just to get through each day. The one thing we are trying really hard to do is talk every day and not just about the kids or work. When we have these talks, I think we both feel adored because someone is listening.

  21. hmmmm…..we are simple. but i like to *romance* him by making his coffee for work the next morning (he goes in at 2am) so he doesn’t have to. i make his favorite meals often. i make sure we always have oreo’s on hand—> we like to snuggle up after the kids have gone to bed and have an *oreo date*.
    it’s a happy life:))

    thanks for the post.
    love it.
    i want to make sure he feels appreciated EVERY day!

  22. Making him dinner seemed to be a big one that he appreciates!

  23. avatar
    Shannon Moorman says:

    I shared this on facebook!!

  24. Sounds like a wonderful book!!! Thank you so much for these great and encouraging thoughts!!! :)

  25. Sorry I forgot to answer the question……my hubby is a FOODIE who just found out he can’t have wheat or dairy – and the key to his heart is food. He LOVES it when I think about him and plan a wonderful meal he can have and enjoy!! :)

    I also shared this on FB @ kari.schmidt1

    Thanks so much!!

  26. My favorite way for my husband to show his love is for him to take the kids for a while. Whether I get chores done or just relax, I always end up feeling more rested and loving towards everyone.

  27. Thank you for this post!

    I romance my husband by making sure he has everything he needs at home to be successful at work–it’s a load off for him that I run the house and pay the bills. I also thank him for the little things. Trash duty is his ‘job’, but I appreciate that he doesn’t have to be nagged to get it done–plus, I try to remember to take care of it before he gets home sometimes :) It really is the little things LOL

  28. I love this post. I find #4 to be the most important for my husband. I make it a point to let him know how much I adore him and all he does for our family as much as possible.

  29. I like to do a few different things … to always keep him on his toes! I send a random text during the day. I make his favorite dinner, with plenty for leftovers. Things like that.

  30. Thanks for the opportunity! With number 3 arriving in a few short weeks, I’d love the chance to find out about romance! :-)

  31. I also subscribe in my Google Reader.

  32. Picking up his favorite things at the grocery store. Trying to carve out time for just us at the end of the day.

  33. avatar
    deanna dean says:

    I let mu hubby have plenty of “guy time” to do whatever he wants…usually playing video games!

  34. avatar
    Emily Woodall says:

    At this point, to be perfectly honest, I am trying to revamp how I romance my husband. I am intentionally being more encouraging with my words to him…& trying hard to bite my tongue when I want to say something sarcastic. I make sure the house is clean & a good dinner is on the table when he comes home from work. I also try to ‘pretty up’ before he gets home. 3 kids, financial stress, my husband’s depression, my daughter’s cerebral palsy & epilepsy, homeschooling, inlaws, & another woman have tried to tear us apart…but we are still fighting to keep our marriage not only alive, but thriving!

  35. avatar
    Samantha Green says:

    My husband loves it when I give him lots of attention. He loves to just hang out so one way I do this is by having special weeks or weekends for him. Since this is the week before Valentine’s Day, I do a Valentine’s week for him. I leave him a card and a small gift each day just to let him know how special I think he is. He loves this and it really makes me feel good about making him feel like the special man he is.

  36. A back rub…so simple yet it speaks volumes to him!

  37. I like to surprise him. Just last night I made him chocolate chip cookies after he had an extremely hard and tedious day at work. He loved it!

  38. I cook for him. He’s loved my cooking from day one, and having a nice meal for him makes him feel special. Even though it’s something I do every day, when I make something he loves he notices and it makes him feel special

  39. I make him one of his favorite dishes. He loves it and it makes me happy that I can do something so simple to make him happy!

  40. I show my husband I love him by preparing healthy meals that he’ll actually enjoy, and not complaining while he enjoys his hobby of homebrewing even though there are tons of things that need done around the house. :)

  41. My husband is on his feet all day as a middle-school coach. It speaks volumes of love to him when I run his feet at the end of the day. It’s a small, easy thing but means to much to him.

  42. I’m working on sending him a sweet note each day leading up to Valentine’s, telling him something I love about him. It’s been great making this list; there is so much to love about him and I hope to always be able to appreciate it.

  43. avatar
    Tina Riemer says:

    I let my husband sleep in on Saturdays, taking the kids downstairs (or outside) and keeping them as quiet as possible so he can get extra rest. And last year for Father’s Day, I ordered t-shirts for all of us; mine said “my husband rocks” and the kids’ said “daddy rocks (mommy’s right).” That Sunday morning, I made some excuse to get the boys back in the house right before we left for church, and we all changed into our rockin’ T’s. He loved it, and we got all sorts of comments at church.

  44. Wonderful post and providential! Things have been a bit *stagnant* lately and I picked up the *Love Dare* book to inspire me out of my comfort zone. Romancing simply consists of being the first to show affection, texting or emailing a love message, pouring his coffee or picking up his favorite ice cream at the store and truly listening to him when he speaks.

  45. avatar
    Lynn Taylor Olekas says:

    Wow – so much to think about! I read all the posts and see that we Moms are in the similar boat! Every word above my post IS me! I thought the house, the dinners, taking the care of our children etc was a sign of how much I love him but I maybe it is not. He is also a separate individual as well and I think that honoring the person he is does the trick. I think that even if we don’t win the giveaway perhaps we’ll get the book! Maybe my feelings about romance will be different next Valentines Day! :)

  46. My husband subscribes to Simple Mom. This morning I got French toast for breakfast. When I said thank you, he said “thank Simple Mom”.
    So, thanks for inspiring him to show me he loves me!

  47. Words of affirmation…my husband’s love language!

  48. I’m not sure. I think I really need that book. I do so much for him but I’m afraid I look at like a long chore list instead of romance. I stuck with him for 9 years while he got his PhD. I believed he could do it, but never sure whether he SHOULD do it. He can’t wake up early enough to have time for breakfast and frequently works late so I try to pack lunch and breakfast and sometimes dinner for him.

  49. I’d love to win this book I’ve been hearing so much about.
    Thanks for the reminders to appreciate and show love, crucial and easy to neglect.

  50. avatar
    michelle peters says:

    My husband loves appetizers so usually on Sunday during football season and then other big games throughout the year, I make a bunch of appetizers and set up a table in the family room. We eat in front of the tv, gasp! I also try to surprise him with a sitter every few months. He’ll get home from work and one of the grandparents will be here and he knows we’ll get a few hours to ourselves.

  51. What a great idea! Cherishing all our family members is good all around …

  52. When I was pregnant with my first child at age 40 I told my husband that we should make sure to have we time, him time and me time. No matter how hard I tried, it was always HIM time. HE decided after 18 years of marriage to walk. So I guess I don’t need the book!

  53. Getting his lunch ready for him and working with him in the shop. Thanks for the reminder, I need to do these things a little more often.

  54. I try to do a lot of the things that you suggested to romance my husband. We also try to have a date night every couple of weeks or so. It’s usually dinner and a movie. I usually let him choose the movie ; ) . The kids and I always kiss and hug him bye in the morning and welcome him home the same way in the evening. I also try to be involved with his job. We live on a farm – it’s not only his job, it’s our livestyle. He works very hard and is a good provider. I’d love to win your book, though, because I do need some help getting him to return some of this attention. We have 3 kids – 8, 6 and 3 – and it would be great to feel more adored and appreciated!

  55. My husband and I have been married 15 years. I try to always get up from what he is doing and hug and kiss him when he comes home from work. I also try to keep the table clear of kid messes so he doesn’t need to worry about it before dinner.

  56. By making or buying him foods that he’ll enjoy and giving him a lot of praise for doing well at his job.

  57. I am currently in the middle of thinking of ways to murder my husband without getting caught….this might be a roadmap out of this awful state of marriage we are in right now.

  58. My husband’s love language is Quality Time, so any time I spend with him fills his love bank!

  59. My husband and I try to have a night out every couple of weeks or so. It’s usually dinner and a movie. A lot of times, I let him pick the movie ; ). I also try to be involved in his job. We live on a farm, so, his job is also our lifestyle. He’s really busy, esp. during the spring and fall months. The kids and I take him lunch when he needs it or suprise him with a quick visit when he works late. It really is the little things that matter. But it would be great to have your book so I could get some ideas on how to get more adoration and attention in return…

  60. I want my husband to know that no matter what happens, I’m always in his corner. On big things in public and little things in the private of my home, respecting his role as the leader of our home and letting him take ALL of it {and not trying to lead in the things I think I’ll do better at}

  61. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we knew it was love after our first date. We have the ability to spend 24 hours a day together without wanting to kill each other, and we love that.

    I love to surprise my husband with things like his favorite meals and I always try to pick up something special for him if I’m out shopping. He works very long hours outside of home, and I’m a WAHM so I try to make his life as simple as possible during the week and not load up his “honey do” list with too much stuff at any time. WHile it might be nice to have all that junk crossed off, it’s a whole lot nicer for us to actually be able to spend some quality time together too. And it’s not something we get all that often!

  62. I have known my husband for 17 years. We married late and had children even later, so now we are both 45 years old with three kids under the age of 9. We are both tired by the end of the day. Romance is definitely not in bloom, but our love for each other and our family has never diminished. However, I have found myself getting irritated with him far too easily as of late. I struggle with that every day. I admit that I have always had difficulty with romance. But every evening, when all five of us are snuggled tightly together on the sofa, we glance over at each other and share a smile over their sweet heads.

  63. I romance my husband all day long it seems : )
    He comes home to a clean house, a good hot home cooked meal, I take extra good care of our son, I make sure the house is running like clock work, and the bills are paid on time. My way of loving my husband is once he walks through that door…work is over and he can relax in our home…hopefully it is a peaceful haven for him.

  64. I must admit, we’re not at a great place right now, romantically. I could really use a copy of this book for some inspiration and ideas to take hum-drum to WOW!

  65. I make his favorite foods when he is home on the weekends plus try to make sure he was some goodies to take with when he’s on the road during the week. I also take the dogs out to play no matter how cold (and man it can get cold around here in NE PA) when he’s napping so they don’t bother him.

  66. He is a big fan of homemade cookies in his favorite flavor that I don’t even really like.

  67. We just celebrated 16 years of marriage. What he said to me was that he knew our marriage would always survive, but that he wanted it to THRIVE. Talk about feeling romanced. He swept me off my feet all over again when he said that. I know to make him feel romanced, it is to acknowledge how he takes care of all of us and for me to put the moves on him. He likes to feel attractive and desired so I make a conscious effort to pursue him, too.

  68. I leave him little notes, near his desk, in his car, next to his computer and in all sorts of random places he’d never expect.

  69. Wow!! This all makes so much sense. We’ve 3 young children and are in the ‘difficult’ stage of our relationship now. It’s very hard. I would love to win the book, this caring and compassionate philosophy it’s what our marriage needs right now.

  70. This book sounds great. Once in a while we try to have a romantic dinner at home after the kids are in bed.

  71. I romance my husband by cleaning up the house and having groceries bought when he comes home from his trips. He appreciates not having to worry about going out and buying groceries and worrying about dinners for the week. Also he loves having a foot rub so I volunteer to give them a few times a week :)

  72. Today is our 5th anniversary! Go us!

    I try to make sure my husband hears lots of truth from me. Even when we’re fighting, I try to make sure that what I’m saying is true and not exaggeration. He has ADD and has enough lies about himself running around his head. He needs to hear how great he is with specific examples as frequently as possible. Someday I hope that the truth will replace the lies completely.

  73. I get up every morning at 5;15 (GROAN-I am NOT a morning person!) to pack his lunch for him and always kiss him goodbye.

  74. I try to give my husband time and space to do the things he really loves. These are also things that make him the guy I fell in love with, so it’s a win-win. I give him art time and visits to New York and guy dates to hear alt music.

  75. i like to romance my husband by pampering him. special dinners, back rubs, hand massages. little things that i know he likes but that i sometimes forget to do. i would love to read this book. even if we feel like our relationship is good, aren’t there always things to learn and more that we could do for our spouses?

  76. Loved this post:)! I was thinking this week of doing a few things that I hate (ironing) to make life a little easier for my husband. I also try to send a positive text to him each day at work….it’s little I know, but I like to let him know I think of him during the day.

  77. Like others who have commented, after 19 yrs of marriage and a lot of stressors, my husband and I were on the verge of coming undone. We sat down this past October and asked each other, “Do you still want to be in this marriage?” It actually took both of us a few days to decide! Bet we chose to stay together because, at the root of it all, we are still very much in love – we just didn’t like each other much at that point. I think one of the most romantic things my husband did for me is to go to counseling so we could get back to a happy place. And we are pretty much there. Thank goodness! Since I now put the fact that I have an awesome husband at the forefront of my mind, it’s really easy to romance him: I make him delicious meals with his favorite ingredients, our son and I greet him with big smiles and delight after he returns from a few days of work, I rub his back when I can’t sleep, etc. Having said all of that, I could still use some pointers, so I hope I win a copy of the book!

  78. We’ve been married 30+ years and have learned that during adversity that our marriage has actually become stronger. I know without any doubt, that my husband will be here for me, no matter what, and just knowing that makes me adore him.

    I’m disabled so it’s difficult for me to be able to do things that require any amount of energy, so I do little things for him, and he knows that even though they’re little, they’re from my heart.

    My husband is so loving and serves me and is always surprising me. I’d love to learn ways to “out love” him! I’m sure he didn’t expect he’d be taking care of me at this age, when we got married.

  79. Give him a pedicure and a masage! It always works for me!

  80. shared this on facebook

  81. Some of the best ways I like to romance my hubby is in the everyday little things: a good, wrapped-up-tight hug when he’s feeling stressed; a kiss out of nowhere; flirting across the room in ways that only he and I can fully understand; taking time to make awesome meals and desserts that I know he loves; holding his hand in bed as we drift off to sleep at night…the list goes on. Does it truly get any better than that?

    I would LOVE to win a copy of this book! Looks like a keeper! =-D

  82. Oh My! I am not even married yet and I would love to start working on this. I know I make mistakes and so does my boyfriend, but I think this type of thing can stregnthen any relationship!

  83. I buy my husband foods that he likes that he does not buy himself. There is something about getting a treat from the grocery store that can make even a 36 year old man feel loved.

  84. avatar
    Elizabeth N. says:

    I romance my husband by letting him choose where he wants to go out to dinner too, by making him his favorite foods, and by paying attention and participating in activities he likes.

  85. Nothing says romance to me like flowers and a walk with our dog holding hands after the whole house is cleaned.

  86. Thanks- this was really something I needed to hear today.

    How do i ilke to romance my husband? We have two small children and a very small house so occasionally I’ll drag him into the bathroom and plant one on him. Just a minute of privacy sometimes helps.

  87. This may sound silly but I have taken to romancing my husband through texting. My hubby works a high stress job and it is hard for him to take a phone call during the day so I flirt with him over text-and he flirts back. The other day I sent him a text telling him how much I am appreciate him and that I am so thankful all the time that he chose me and still chooses me over all others. I told him that I want to be a blessing to him all the days of our life and that I would always be in his corner. He later told me that it brought him to tears there in the middle of the workday-that with me supporting him like that he feels like he can get through anything. It seems like such a simple thing-and it is really, but I have come to understand how powerful my words are. I can build him up or bring him down in an instant. And I know that when I choose to let go of what I want and be a blessing to him-in the end I get what I want anyway-a more attentive spouse who rushes home to me every night, a stronger, deeper and more intimate marriage. Not that we don’t have our fair share of problems but I try to keep those things in perspective and not demand perfection of him and then expect him to give me grace when I mess up. It’s a choice we make-to be a blessing or a curse. Even when he doesn’t deserve it, I will still choose to be a blessing.

  88. I shared this contest on facebook!

  89. I shared this giveaway on twitter!

  90. Oh, I’m a total pajama girl!! I love full length flannel pant/shirt pjs especially with getting up in the night to run after the little ones. It was affecting our closeness at night and in the bedroom, and when I asked about it, it was because I was so covered. So I have been working on wearing less to bed (lingerie tops and underwear) and yes, its super cold in the middle of the night if I have to get up for my little ones, but it has definitely been a blessing for our marriage.

  91. Oh I would love to win this book! I just added it to my Amazon wish list last week so what a coincidence! Great tips in your post above … thank you!

  92. We are about to celebrate our 20th anniversary. In that time we have welcomed 10 babies, relocated 7 times, and lost and found each other many times. The last five years have been rough and I know I need this book so I can make our marriage a refuge again.

  93. great blog post. i romance my husband by speaking his love language (based on gary chapman’s book). i want to speak to / show him love in the way he best receives it.

  94. I romance my hubby by including him in my hobbies and staying in tune with his. For example, I crochet and knit, but this year I have made it a point to learn to knot some socks specifically because he loves thick wool socks! He’s been pretty excited so far! I also bring my knitting or crochet to the couch while he’s watching sports! :)

  95. This sounds really helpful!! Picking up toys off the floor before he does is one way…

  96. I’d love to win this book…adoration is an area I think we are struggling with right now. At least I know I am. My biggest gift is I give him the time he wants to watch sports and coach our local basketball team.

  97. I romance my hubby by including him in my hobbies and staying in tune with his. For example, I crochet and knit, but this year I have made it a point to learn to knit some socks specifically because he loves thick wool socks! He’s been pretty excited that I’m teaching myself something new and complicated just for him! I also bring my knitting or crochet to the couch while he’s watching sports! :)

  98. I would love to read this book! I’m currently in the middle phase of the byline in the book. This would help for things to move easier. Thanks!

  99. avatar
    Jennifer L Hess says:

    Just this morning, I re-filled his water bottle when I saw it was empty as I listened to him intently talk about some issues at work. I know he needs my ears, my support and my encouragement. When he said, “Why me?” I told him “Because God knows you can handle it the right way.” He is my champion!