An open letter to first-time mamas of newborns

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About Tsh

Tsh is the founder of this blog and lives in Bend, Oregon with her husband and 3 kids. Her latest book is Notes From a Blue Bike, and believes a passport is one of the world's greatest textbooks.

Dear friend,

So… you’re a new mom now. Amazing, eh? Not only do we rejoice because they are all precious, but it thrills me that you have joined the coven of motherhood. It’s a large one, to be sure—most women eventually do join, I’d imagine—but it’s still no less sacred to pass through those gates into the fields where someone will forever call you Mom. It’s no small thing.

But. Just because it is common, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. No ma’am. It’s most certainly the hardest job I’ve ever had or ever will have, and I’m going to take a stab at guessing and say that it’ll be the same for you. You’ve had a small taste of it, so you’re probably not in total disagreement.

Your wee one is so very wee, so you’ve heard advice out the wazoo from well-meaning women. And you’ve heard this, too—to enjoy it now, because they grow up so fast. It’s really, really true, they do grow up so incredibly fast (my 7-year-old should still fit in my arms, it seems), but I’m not so far away from your stage to look back and see nothing but unicorns and glitter.

In a word… Having a newborn stinks. It’s really hard to “enjoy it now.”

Now, it’s not all horrible, so don’t get me wrong. And yes, it stinks in the literal sense, too (badabing!). But I’d be lying if I said that after the birth of my first, I belonged to that school of women who couldn’t wait to be pregnant again.

I wasn’t. I was so very glad to no longer be pregnant. I couldn’t fathom having a second. I could barely understand why the hospital said it was okay to take my tiny human home; why would I want to do it again? Don’t they know how often I run out of eggs at home? Would they like to see my out of control laundry pile? Why on earth do they think I’d be a good mother?

In short—I didn’t love the early days. In the first few months of my firstborn’s life, I felt like my life was over. I wasn’t happy or joyful. I was sad. Sad to say goodbye to freedom, to living on a whim, to being who I was.

And I felt horribly guilty about that. I loved God and I loved my husband. Shouldn’t I also love my daughter?

I distinctly remember the first time I felt a flutter of love towards her. It wasn’t until she was six months old. I was changing her diaper, and she looked up at me and smiled. Our eyes met—really locked—for the first time that day. And my heart melted. It got better after that.

But before that, to be honest, all I can remember is the constant influx of diapers, saying words I had never before uttered to near strangers (reflux? swaddle? nipples?), and counting poops. And of course, no sleep for months.

I wasn’t in love.


Photo by mrgreen09

Now I know you won’t believe me, but I enjoyed newborn-hood more with subsequent children. By the birth of my third, I actually enjoyed it (though I’ll be honest and say that in my opinion, the older the kids get, the more fun they are). But yes, when my first child was a newborn, I wasn’t glowing with the love of motherhood. I was barely brushing my teeth.

This is common, I hear. “They” don’t say it often, but there are a lot of moms who’ve felt similarly. After reading books and taking classes, you expect to be excited about motherhood. And then when you’re not, it can be a serious let down. Many of us know what that’s like.

The point of this letter is simply to say I’ve been there. Plenty of women have been there. And that if you’re at all like me, it will get better. Lots better. Consider this letter a virtual hug.

A few other things:

• I found out later—way later than I should have—that I had postpartum depression. I was going through slightly more than the baby blues, but I had nothing to compare it to, so I didn’t know. I managed to cope, but not beautifully. Stuff didn’t hit the fan until I was pregnant with number two, more than two years later. Looking back, I wished I had gotten help early. If you feel like you might have postpartum, tell someone.

• Shake off all those blog posts from moms who focus on waking up before the kids. You’ll get there eventually, but right now, SLEEP. Seriously.

• Enjoy date nights while your baby is still immobile. Soon enough, your newborn will be sitting up, then crawling, and then walking. And there’s no going back. I still remember a date night when we went to dinner at 8 p.m., our newborn sweetly sleeping in her carseat next to us at the restaurant. That won’t be possible for long.

• Get some fresh air. Don’t worry about hard-core working out—just go for a walk around the block. Use that baby carrier. Being outside made a world of difference for me.

• Go easy on yourself. Really. A sink full of dishes or an undusted bookshelf does not a bad mother make. Those things can wait… Snuggle with your little one as much as you like (and no, you won’t spoil him).

• Or if you’d rather put him down in his bouncy seat so that you can do something grownup like flip through a magazine, that’s okay, too. You’re still a fantastic mom.

You’re doing amazing. Really. Your body just performed what it was made to do, and yet what it did is nothing less than a miracle. You birthed new life. You’re a superhero.

And yet if you don’t like motherhood so far, that’s okay. You’re in good company. It’ll get better.

Do you enjoy the early days?

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Comments

  1. I did not love the early days either. I loved my son. Looking at him filled me with joy. But caring for him was so endlessly difficult, and caring for myself was impossible. Because his existence DID bring me joy, it took me most of a year to realize I had PPD. Everyone says “you have no idea how hard it is,” so I just thought, wow, this is how hard it is? how does everyone else survive?

    Things have gotten increasingly better since I started attending a support group, and have learned to make self-care a top priority.

    I wish I could do it over again, knowing what I do now. At the same time, I’m glad it’s behind me. Having a two-year-old is way easier than a newborn! I can’t wait till he’s a teenager!
    Erin OK´s latest post: Update (Slow Down)

  2. I just had my third baby. A total surprise, as I screwed up my birth control months earlier and as I felt I wasy safe again, Boom, Im pregnant. My oldest is 10, my second is 5 and now a newborn.. I was upset and saddened by my third pregnancy. I did NOT want another baby, I kept it quiet, told very few and wasnt looking forward to formula and diapers AGAIN! Now she is here, sweet and beautiful and I love her, but cant help but feel resentful toward her occasionally. Although it is no fault of her own, obviously, but I guess its something I have to work through and try not to let her feel my resentment. I must say that I had a lot of “baby” experience before I had my first, it didn’t seem so hard then. But as I have added more children, it gets increasingly difficult. Personally, the hard “period” for me is coming on quickly, it that Pre Teen hormonally charged female stage. So for those of you struggling with the newborn stage, where they seem more of a chore than a gift, enjoy those elementary years with your girls.
    Thanks for the honest take on PPD. It is enlightening to know that others dont feel glittery and joyful at first. I dont know that I ever had PPD, but I think we all feel some sort of sadness at the loss of what we were and it takes time to love who we will become. Kids change who you are usually for the better. I love my kids and would give my life for them, but it is not easy, its a lifelong career. So what ever stage you enjoy children, enjoy it tremendously!!

  3. I do enjoy the early days, at least I have in the past. It’s funny how the hardest part is different for everyone. I wonder how it will feel this time, the third time around when (like with the first) my husband will be deployed but (unlike with the first or the second) we do not live near nor will all of us pack up and travel to be near family. I don’t know if I’ll love it or just merely try to survive it – thank you so much for sharing this.

  4. i am probably one of the crazy ones, but i love the newborn stage. i think it is what keeps me having kids (pregnant with #5). now, on the other hand, i am not wild about pregnancy and i don’t get the giddy feeling that many speak of even with the kicks… they kinda hurt. i get really sick in a few different ways pregnant, and i am always more than happy for it to be over. even in having more babies, it has always been the baby that i have longed for and not the pregnant stage.

    i have kids who don’t sleep at night, who nurse on demand, who love to be held and held and held, and you know what… it is the most rewarding thing i have ever experienced. i am extremely tired all the time, as you said – getting up before the kids is virtually non-existent in my world, and sometimes i wonder what it would be like to have my body be my own again (been pregnant or nursing or both for the past 9 years straight with only a cumulative 5 months of not nursing once i had the 1st one)… but the excuse to slow down, to sit down and cuddle the softest, sweetest, most trusting person… well that is what i love and really focus on.

    i figure i have the rest of my life to sleep right? i keep telling myself, when they are teenagers i won’t be able to get them to stop sleeping!

    all that to say, i love it, but i don’t think anyone is crazy who has a hard time. as i said, i have a terribly hard time with pregnancy and i honestly don’t enjoy it – but i know that for the joy set before me it is a cross that i gladly endure. being a mom is about carrying a cross – laying down our lives for these little people who will someday be big people. wow. there is no greater honor and no harder job in all the world.

    new moms – hang in there and whether you love the baby stage like me or don’t, love pregnancy or don’t, or love any other stage or don’t… just remember that He has honored you with the gift of this precious life and all the cost is worth it in the end. you are not alone in the hard days because we all have them and it bonds us together.
    charis´s latest post: get me a lock… a big one.

  5. I’m so happy I’ve read this! I’m 7 weeks pregnant with my first, so obviously I still know nothing about how I’ll feel in 33 weeks, but I do know how I’ve felt for the last 3. I kept reading so, so much about people who the day they found out they were expecting “just fell in love”, “knew their whole lives would never be the same”, “fell on their knees crying”, or even “were overwhelmed with fear, worries, etc”.

    I was trying to get pregnant and I was happy to see that second line appear. BUT my mind still hasn’t processed any of it. I keep hearing “I should be eating better, for the baby” and while my mouth says “you’re right” my brain is screaming “what baby?!?!?”. I see my family crying happy tears and I’m happy to see their joy, but can’t feel it myself. For me, it’s like when I was in college waiting to get my grades. I’d worry about maybe getting some bad ones, or be wishful about some paper I expected a really good grade on, but until I saw it in person I wouldn’t really let myself *feel* sad/elated/anything. Well, in this case, I’ve already seen plenty of confirmation, I’ve tested a thousand times, my period has been MIA for almost two months and I have a host of symptoms and bloating to prove it, but still, my brain is not taking it in.
    I think part of it is the fear of something being wrong. Until I started trying to conceive, I thought you either got pregnant (and have a healthy pregnancy or some complications and then miscarry) or you didn’t. I had never heard of chemical pregnancies, of blighted (sp?) ova, babies who stop growing after week X, etc.
    I just hope this all starts to change soon (some people say after the first ultrasound) because this baby needs and deserves my love!
    Maria´s latest post: I guess summer is over

  6. This is very encouraging to me as I am due with my first child in May. It is so good to get a real perspective and to know that if I struggle those first few months it IS normal and OK. Thanks for sharing your heart.
    Brittnie (A Joy Renewed)´s latest post: I’ve been tagged. . . have you?

  7. I am 6 1/2 months’ pregnant with my first, and, as I like to say, I didn’t fall in love with my husband the first time I saw him, so there’s no reason to think that will happen with my daughter! (Although I sure hope it does!)

    Thank you for the reminder that, if it doesn’t, I won’t be alone.

    • I like that, thanks! I’ll remember that one. (It was nearly 3 years before I even considered hubby as a potential date!!)

  8. I’ve always said to anyone who will listen that I’m not a newborn person. Love my babies no matter what, but felt so much more open love for them when they were sleeping through the night.

    Especially with our first, the transition was a nightmare. Nobody can prepare you for how much you feel like you’re giving up. I don’t want to say that to scare anyone, but it was a huge transition for us. My husband as well. Neither of us knew what was coming after the new-baby excitement wore off. The transition to the second babe was a breeze compared to the first. We were already in diaper stage, have to stay home because it’s nap time stage.

    People kept asking me when I was pregnant with my second if I was SO excited for him to be born? Well yes, duh. But I’m also pretty comfortable with him in here, thanks. He sleeps in there and doesn’t cry.

    Thanks for a wonderful honest post. I love my babies with the fire of a thousand suns, but nobody generally admits how hard it really is.
    Melody´s latest post: Stonyfield: Free organic seeds + YoKids coupons

  9. Thank you for writing this. I was there, and didn’t realize how bad it was until I had my second child. I wish I had just told someone, “I think I may have postpartum depression,” but I had nothing to compare it to.
    Stephanie´s latest post: Blessing #103 – The Goodwill Percentage

  10. This is great! No one ever talked to me about the “negatives” so I had unrealistic expectations after my first daughter was born. Yes, I knew it would be hard but I didn’t bond with her right away and I felt HORRIBLE. I felt like I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I was spiraling down, down, down.

    I feel like if someone would have laid it ALL out there for me, it would have been easier, knowing that feeling was common, or normal.

    Now I have two girls :) and my second was totally different. Much better. And I make sure to pass the word on to expecting moms.

  11. I wish I’d had read this when my daughter first arrived. People kept asking me, “Don’t you just love being a Mom?” etc. I thought they were crazy. Or, that something was very wrong with me. My daughter is two and I still very vividly remember the misery of the early days. I did start to enjoy her more around 3 months once she began being more interactive. Now that she can walk and talk and get upstairs on her own, I am in heaven!

  12. Thank you. My son is 8weeks and more often than not I’ve felt like a bad mom because I can’t enjoy him. My recovery has been extremely slow, and its painful to see other new mamas on outings, having fun, wearing jeans… I know we’ll get there, but words that alleviate some of the guilt are treasured. Thank you.
    anna {girl with blog}´s latest post: on being a parent

  13. Thanks for writing this Tsh! I had the exact same experience and I for one, didn’t know any other women who felt this way. Everyone else was instantly a happy mom who had a perfect infant who slept through the night. It took me a few hard months to reach a point of almost-normalness with my first baby. Thankfully, I’ve had more babies and with each child the experience of having a newborn gets better and better! God has shown me a lot through these experiences!
    Christy´s latest post: Hey Look! I’ve got a new look!

  14. During my first pregnancy three years ago I loved all the attention I got from the doting ladies around me, until those first few sleepless/stressed out beyond my mind weeks. I was so angry that they’d discussed everything from swaddling to poop, but never told me what it was truly like to have a newborn. I even asked a few of them why they never told me.
    Then, recently a good friend of mine, a proud new momma of a two-month-old asked me the exact same question “Why didn’t anyone tell me what this is really like?!” I didn’t have a good answer.
    Just goes to show – we all need a letter like this one!

  15. Thanks so much for your honesty, Tsh. Before I had children of my own, a friend told me that she looked at her first tiny newborn and burst into tears because she was sure she had ruined her life. I remember looking at her in amazement, because she was just the kind of mother I knew I wanted to be. I can’t even tell you how many times those words came back to me in those early days, and being able to associate those words with such a wonderful, peaceful woman was a godsend. I’m sure this post will be a source of comfort to many.

  16. Very true. After my first baby was born, I thought about the baby showers I had, and thought, why were they celebrating? It isn’t easy, especially that first one.

  17. I also had a VERY hard time adjusting to a baby. I have had depression for years and knew that I was going to have a hard time. There were times where she was crying that I just could not handle it. There was a day when she was only a month or two old that I could not touch her. I could not stand to hear her make noise and I picked her up once and knew I couldnt hold her or else I might drop her from my over whelming desire to run away. I had to call my husband to come back from work and take care of her and then I had to wait outside for him to return while she wailed away inside. To say I didnt love her was an understatement. Part of me wished she would die of SIDS so I would not have to be a mother but would not be my fault if she died. Of course the day she slept through the night I freaked out thinking she was sick, but other times….
    I felt like a horrible mother because I didn’t feel love for my child. When she was 5 months old I had a total break down, became suicidal and was hospitalized for a month. That month break and reflection, as well as new set of medication changed everything. I connected with my daughter, did not stress as much and felt much much better.
    Now I love that little girl more than anything. I have another on the way and already it has been a battle. changing medication is never good for someone who is dependant upon them as me but I hope and aspire to have a better time with this one. It will be hard having a demanding toddler and tiny infant at the same time but I feel much better prepared.

  18. Yeah, I had the same notion and had such a horrible post birth experience where I was in the hospital for weeks that I really did not bond with the little one and I didn’t like it at all and wondered what I was getting myself into. I wish I had more support during that time to feel like it was ok to feel that way…..thanks for your post — it was a good reminder even during these “terrile twos”

  19. I’m so glad you mentioned how hard it is. It is so true! I did cherish that smitten in love sweet little snuggly newborn, BUT I was exhausted and tired and I’m okay not doing it again! LOL
    katie @ Imperfect People´s latest post: Losing your life

  20. Yeah TOTALLY wish this was out there when I had my baby 15 months ago. I’m now recovered from the Postpartum, but beside that fact, everyone forgot how super crappy having a newborn is…. especially the first one! Thanks
    Mrs. Luttrell´s latest post: #13 I heart ….haha get it?! *sigh*

  21. Thanks for your candid post, Tsh!
    I still don’t understand, after doing this Mother thing for almost 7 years now, how brand spanking new mothers are supposed to know it all, and be great at a job they have never done before. No on-the-job training, no work experience, no exams, no orientation – just jump in at the deep end! :)
    And you are right, it does get easier, and better, with time!
    xx

  22. THANK YOU! I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old, and the 2 month old is harder than our first one was… I needed to read this! Also, I noticed I was fully bonded with my daughter by 2 years old, I guess before I was operating on instinct plus a growing bond. I am finding it the same with my second one, but this time I know that you do grow into that bond and it takes time, but what a strong bond it is! Anyway, reading this reminded me to lean into this beautiful but intense season of life. Thanks for writing!

  23. I love this open letter! It touched me and brought tears to my eyes and made my heart ache. I’ve had the opposite experience. Ten years ago when I had my first I had the most incredible pregnancy and truly enjoyed the entire spectrum babyhood from newborn to toddler, through potty training and more. We tried and tried to have another and after what seemed like the 20th doctor told us that even if we could afford to purchase their new ski chalet they probably wouldn’t be able to get us pregnant, we gave up, and accepted that my first would be a singleton. Fast forward 8 1/2 years. Within months of my husband returning from a deployment and a military move, we were shockingly pregnant with #2. It was an awful horrible uncomfortable pregnancy. The birth (c-sect #2) was actually really wonderful.

    With #2 I can totally relate to your open letter. I completely resented the fact that my life and my body were no longer my own. We did another military move when she was 6 weeks old. I’m pretty sure between the low/depression I feel every time we move and how I was feeling about #2 I had PPD, in fact may still have. I relate to all that you say. It has gotten easier, but I’m still not where I think I should be.

    Thanks for your letter!
    Brooke W.´s latest post: Breathing and Bible Study

  24. Man oh man, if only I had read this when my own baby was born. What a world of a difference this would have made for me! Still, it’s helpful even now as we’re trying for our second. Thank you SO much for this!
    Becky´s latest post: {this moment}

  25. Thank you so much. It is one o’clock in the morning and I am sitting on my laptop while my two-month-old sleeps. I am crying. You captured my feelings perfectly. I am a first-time mom and it is so much harder than “they” ever told me it would be. I am feeling lost, but just hearing that I’m a superhero, well, that has made a small difference in my little world.

    Thank you.

  26. I loved this. Although I still have not had my first baby, about halfway done with the pregnancy. I am so glad that you just put so much out there. I keep feeling like I am not having normal feelings because I feel no bond with the baby in the womb or the excitement like so many of my friends have. I keep telling myself once the baby is here I will just fall in love with it. I loved reading this however because now I feel like even if I don’t feel that automatic connection it’s okay and I am not doing anything wrong.

  27. Thank you Veerle, its so generous of you to share your process.

  28. Wow,
    I never reply to blog posts, but this one really touched me. I’m a new mom to a pretty perfect 14 week old little girl. But the letter and most of the comments resonate with me. To the point where I was actually crying reading them. I keep seeing things that I don’t have (no family or friends around since we moved out of state 4 weeks post-partum, being stuck at the house (we have yet to get a second car bc of the move), being extremely sleep deprived etc. etc.) while at the same time knowing that a big part of it all is the way I do things (e.g. cloth diapering from day one, insisting on quality home cooked meals, getting back into an exercise routine, taking on a paleo challenge (yeah, I know)). My husband is great and VERY supportive, but someone has to bring home the bacon, so I don’t want him to get up at night (plus, I’m the boobs person…) Before reading this, I kept thinking “How stupid of me, I have the perfect child, but keep breaking down emotionally all the time”. Every now and then I have a day where I feel like myself again (like twice since she was born) but then without fail, a growth spurt or something (right now I’m suspecting the beginning of teething) will hit and it’s all out of the window again. I too keep hearing people telling me “oh enjoy those days…” and I keep thinking “heck, which planet do you live on lady, enjoy?!” And then again, there are these moments when my little girl smiles at me or when I watch her as she sleeps, and I know that I love her more than anything else in this world and that she’s the best accomplishment I’ve ever had. So, to cut it short, I guess “the early months” and I have a love-hate relationship. So good to hear that this seems to be a common thing, as I kept trying to find out what’s wrong with me. Thanks.

  29. This is EXACTLY what I needed to read today.
    Thank you. <3

  30. I’m a first time mom to be. Baby girl will be coming in three weeks. This article scared the crap out of me. Since I could remember all I’ve wanted to be was a mother. I couldn’t wait to be everything “mom.” Then I got pregnant. I wasn’t excited, I wasn’t overwhelmed with happiness. I thought something was wrong with me. I spoke to my husband and doctor about my fear of depression, both during pregnancy and after delivery. It seems that PPD is much more common than I thought and I feel a prime candidate for it. This really hurts my feelings in a way. Here I am, 26 years old and I finally get my first. And its a baby girl. And I’m afraid I’ll miss out on every little moment with her because I’ve got the blues. Now I read this article and its depressing. How will I, let alone everyone else, understand if I get PPD? Its the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.

    On a side note, sorry my post is so late. I just stumbled accross simplemom due to a search of how to make it through the last weeks of pregnancy :)

  31. wow you did all of this with that simple blog.. nice.. make me as your student..

  32. I just had my first baby Feb 10th and am a single mom. Today I’ve just been feeling like all I am is a milk machine. It seems he’s on my breast 24/7 and I feel like I’m becoming resentful towards him. Everyone told me that I would fall in love the first time I looked at him, but I feel like I don’t really care at all. This feeling scares me to no end. I’m already on depression medication, have been for at least 3 years now. What more can I do?

  33. Hi Tsh,
    I’m commenting regarding an email I’ve sent you but haven’t heard back about. Your post “Open Letter to First-time Mamas of Newborns” has been selected for publication in the Postpartum Depression category of Babble’s Best of Blogs Campaign! Please email me when you can: melinda [at] babble [dot] com.
    Thanks!

    Best,
    Mindy

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  35. This is amazing. Thank you.

  36. O God!!! This article describes exactly how I feel. My baby is 6 weeks old and i literally googled “mother of newborn does it get better”, and found this page. I feel love for my baby girl but the past 6 weeks have been the most miserable ever. I feel like a horrible mom and so guilty for feeling this way, but i’m just being honest.

    I guess while I was pregnant i was so focused on doing everything right to make sure she was born healthy I just did not even anticipate or prepare for what life would be like AFTER she was born! I certainly have not slept since she’s been born. I spend my nights trying to get her to sleep… she wants me to walk with her on my shoulder while rocking her up and down or else she screams down the place. I am usually doing this late at night while I am half asleep. My feet, arms, legs, back hurt… and she cries if i sit…

    Hubby sometimes sleeps through it or sometimes would be up just observing … pisses me off… Sometimes I am up from about 9pm til 5am… literally… every time she doses off i try to put her down in crib but she will start crying again…

    During the day when she’s awake she does not stay down … hates bouncer, carseat etc… cries whenever she is in them… again she wants me to walk with her and cries when i sit.

    I feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel… I know it will get better but it feels so hopeless now. I dont really have help to take care of her because everybody (hubby, mom, mom-in-law) seems to be afraid of being alone with her.. like I’m the only one who can handle her when she’s awake.

    I don’t know what to do .. i have not left the house since, except to take her to the doctor.. ok gtg.. dont want hubby to read this .. lol .. he’s hovering…. but thanks for writing this .. helps to know I am not the only one who feels this way!

  37. I had post natal depression with my first one, and really thought that it would be different with the second one. Sadly I was wrong, my son is 7 weeks and I’m actually crying as I type this.

    He has trapped wind and rarely sleeps, and wants to nurse all the time. I know it’s only the first few months that are difficult but I can’t wait for it to get better.

  38. avatar
    newmaaah says:

    I’m holding my colicky 2 wk old upright n crying coz I thought I was just so horrible at this and I still can’t see the bright side. But he’s just so little and helpless and I just feel so useless. This post just helped me feel less alone. Waiting for the good bits to start. I’m tired, sleepy, sad, crying and lonely :(

  39. avatar
    newmaaah says:

    Its the hardest thing ever!! I live overseas and really miss my family and friends right now. Probably should’ve had the baby back home. But this was my decision and I have to stick by it. :’( One day at a time..

  40. I searched and searched the internet after I had my first child, hoping to find something- anything to reassure me that what I was feeling was normal. Everything to everyone told me it was to be such a blissful experience and that was a far cry from what I was feeling for 2-3 months. When I read this, I literally started crying. For once, I realized I wasn’t crazy and that everything was going to be okay. Thank you so much for writing this. I even feel confident enough to express how I feel and talk about my experience to others without feeling guilty; who knows I may even help someone else who is in my shoes.

  41. I just feel that you described me! your experience was just the same as mine. My husband and I had our little one after 10 years of marriage. We prayed and cried and went to doctors to see what was wrong with us. Then, to make the story short, I became pregnant. It was one of the happiest moments in my life. Then, my baby was born, and I couldn’t enjoy it. I just couldn’t. I also live far from home, in another country, and it was so hard!! I had PPD–really bad, accompanied by panic attacks. It was the hardest and darker moment in my entire life. I started on medication when he was 3 months old. things got better, and when he was 6 months, I finally could enjoy him. I still remember when we look at each other one day–as it was the very first time we meet. I love him so much. He is a toddler now, and I’m doing so much better, I feel like myself again. Not everyday is perfect, but that is life. However, I cannot even fathomed the idea of having another one. I went though so much….it scares me. I always hear it will be better the second time, but what if not…. I feel bad sometimes to think like that, to feel like that. But this is where I am at this time.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It comforted me.

  42. Wow – it’s really sad that the new mommies around me are all so fake! I avoid mommy groups because I felt worse after each outing. I have a 3 month old son and I never thought being a stay-at-home was gonna suck so badly!! I had a career and a boss that loved me! Now my new boss (my lil baby) is mad at me no matter what I do, expects me every minute of every day to please him and most def. had no way of showing appreciation! I love my
    Son but as in reading your post I know I’m not alone with not being “in love” with infancy! It’s a road I probably will never travel again.

  43. avatar
    glen victoria says:

    AN Amazing Testimony On A Spell Caster Who help me to get pregnant, So me and my partner have been trying for a baby for the last 5 years now and we have had no luck. I don’t have a regular cycle so it is hard for me to tell when I’m ovulating or not, but we always have sex at least 2 times a week, sometimes more. I know it can take up to a year to conceive but everyone i know who have had a baby have conceived within 2-3months of trying and it is really getting to me. my partner had a fertility test about a year ago and his sperm were fine. I’m thinking it could be a problem with me but I’ve never had any symptoms of any problems. My partner does smoke and have the occasional drink, and i used to smoke and also have the occasional drink. i know i’m slightly overweight but that shouldn’t affect our chances too much,one faithful day my friend told me to contact a spell caster that help her aunty, then i contact the man on this email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com , after three months the doctor confirm that i am pregnant thank you Dr Babaka for helping me get a baby

  44. Greetings to you that is reading this testimony. My name is Andrea Ramsay, I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage, he left me and the kid to suffer, one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address babaka.wolf@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my husband back, i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back, because i am now happy with my husband. His email again is babaka.wolf@gmail.com

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  46. avatar
    frodo baggins says:

    Hello every body my name is Glen Victoria from USA Thanks to Dr Babakafor helping me get pregnant after 8 years of marriage with my husband we have been to several hospital for checkup and the doctors keep telling us that nothing is wrong with us so my friend at my work place linked me with with this great spell caster Dr Babaka email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com who helped me with my problem …. now am a happy mother of a baby girl thanks to you Dr Babaka … i am shearing this testimony to tell you Dr Babaka how grateful i’m for your love and assist in saving my marriage and also bringing joy and happiness to my family…… you can contact this great man and be sure to get quick solution to what ever problem you may be having at email: babaka.wolf@gmail.com … once again thank you doctor

  47. avatar
    Annabelle Fitzpatrick says:

    I know this is an old post but im a new mum to an 8 week old baby boy i didnt find out i was pregnant till i was 6 months and i never stopped to thing about how id lose so much reading this has made me feel a little bit better in myself as im always worried im not good enough for him and id just like to say thank you all that ypuve wrote i feel the same and ar the minute im doing bonding sessions and have someone to talk too

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