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The Art of Simple

Live creatively, unconventionally, simply.

Archives for April 2009

One way to increase passion In marriage: live simply

One way to increase passion In marriage: live simply

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This time last year, my wife and I were making preparations to place our house on the market. We weren’t looking to move to an enormous house, but since we now had two kids, we were looking to gain another bedroom and a bit more storage space.

After several weeks of preparation and organization, a couple of things became clear:

We had a lot of junk in our house.

No wonder we were tight on storage space; we had too much stuff. As part of the organizing, we got rid of two pickup truck loads of stuff, and we still had too much left. The garage housed most of this until we did more purging.

The houses that would be a “move up” in space and amenities were more than we wanted to spend.

For the past several years, my wife and I have been working to live below our means. To move would stretch us a little beyond where we wanted to be – not that we couldn’t afford it, but why try to afford it? Part of having a simple marriage is living simply.

After deciding not to go through with the process, a tremendous weight was lifted off both our shoulders. We began making plans to get out of debt and travel more with the kids.

In other words, living life more alive and less tied to things and stuff.

This process has made us realize how easily you can be trapped into living according to a perceived expectation of society.

How did society evolve to the point that when you have x number of kids living in an x number of bedroom house, you must get a bigger house in order for everyone to have their own room, and an office, and a playroom, and on and on?

Didn’t our parents grow up with two or more kids in the same room? Plus, I heard that they walked to school through snow uphill both ways.

We feel entitled to a certain lifestyle. A certain amount of luxuries. But at what cost?

Since my wife and I decided not to move, there was a new level of passion and love in the house. We were less worried about the finances. Spent more time with the kids. Planned future trips and excursions. Plus, we got away on the weekends for fun.

I think there is a correlation between living within or below your means and passion in marriage. There is less stress. Less worry. More room for more adventure.

Try it. Spend some time organizing the house – Tsh has an upcoming series on this. De-clutter. Then spend the time planning an adventure together. Spend time with friends. Serve others.

In other words, live and enjoy life.

If you are interested in applying these ideas to your marriage and family, check out my new marriage book.*  It’s available as of today!

*A note from Tsh – I haven’t had time to read Corey’s book deeply yet, but from the little bit my husband and I flipped through it this weekend, it looks fantastic!  A lot of depth, good exercises for couples, and quality stuff to think about.  I recommend it.

Have you seen a correlation between deciding to live more simply and watching your marriage improve?

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The emotional benefits to becoming debt-free

The emotional benefits to becoming debt-free

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Awhile back, we became debt-free.  It was amazing to realize we weren’t indebted to anyone, that after we paid our living expenses, we could decide what to do with our money.

But the benefits to becoming debt-free extend beyond the financial.  There was an internal refining process to our family that transformed us. And we walked away from our debt-free journey all the better because of it.

So what were these benefits to shedding the debt?  Here are a few.

Once we made a goal to become debt-free, we started communicating better.

Because a financial goal like becoming debt-free requires a plan, that plan required communication.  It meant my husband and I were going to sit down regularly and talk about our budget, our spending, and our money goals.  This seeped in to other areas, like how we were doing emotionally with all this, and how our desires for the future depended so much on our financial health.  It opened the doors to talk about deeper things that really matter, so our relationship deepened.

Because we wanted to be debt-free so badly, it dimmed the sparkle to other money desires.

We could taste the benefits of debt-free living, since every month we were closer to our goal.  Not owing a dime to anyone became more delectable than any whirlwind vacation or new kitchen appliance.  Sure, those things are nice, but they just started seeming… unnecessary, once we were unified in our worthy financial goal.  Our souls’ desires aligned closer to those things in life that really matter, instead of what the culture tells us to love.

Because we finally had a workable financial plan, we had hope.

We know what it’s like to just assume you’ll have school loans forever.  We never had a big shovel, so digging out of our debt hole, however small, seemed impossible.  But once we unified and set this goal, it seemed reachable.

I’m not talking about a vague goal like “becoming debt-free.”  We had a specific goal of completely paying of X dollars by X date.  We decided that all the money coming from this blog would go to my school loans.  There would be no extra splurges in life.  It wasn’t easy—it was work.  But we had hope, and that made all the difference. We woke up, excited and eager to see how we could throw more money toward our goal.

rolling coins

Because we had financial hope, we decided to change our family tree.

Once we learned not only that it’s good to be debt-free, but that we could be debt-free, we saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  And that light is living differently.  We can choose to embrace simple living because no one else is clamoring for our money.

We can set aside money for our kids’ future, and set them off on their own journey without a burden of debt.  We can make concrete plans now, in our early 30s, to retire with dignity, have the necessary funds to spend time with our grandkids, and enjoy giving to causes we want to bless because some 35 years ago, we chose to get out of debt and not let money rule every decision we make.

The takeaway

I don’t want to paint a rosy picture that being debt-free solves everything.  Economic setbacks still happen.  Layoffs still happen.  And unexpected money pits still happen.  But being debt-free means instead of those things don’t hitting us like a mack truck, they’re an annoyance. They don’t have to change our entire lifestyle. They further confirm our conviction that living without debt means having more options, having more peace.

And while we may never be rich, we can be wealthy in those areas where we want to be wealthy—in relationships, in experiences, and in supporting causes that matter for eternity.

• If you’re not debt-free, but you’re on a plan, be encouraged.  You can do it, no matter how small your income is.  It’s not easy, and it takes sacrifice and hard work, but it is so worth it.

• If you’re not debt-free, and you haven’t really considered the benefits to shedding the debt, I ask you to sit down and make a list of the pros to hanging on to debt.  Even student loan debt.  What are the benefits?  What are you missing out on by holding on to this burden?

• If you’ve decided to get out of debt, but don’t know where to start, head here for nitty-gritty stuff.

If you’re debt-free, share your celebration stories!  And if you’re on your way, share lessons you’re learning on your journey.

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40 ways to go greener at home …besides just recycling

40 ways to go greener at home …besides just recycling

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Being intentionally eco-wise is about celebrating the creativity of creation, being good stewards with what we’re given, and passing on those values to the next generation.

The thing I love most about practicing good green green habits? Nine times out of ten, they’re also the more frugal option. Being environmentally-friendly is just good economics—in our home and budget, and with the earth.

There are tons of little things we can do in our homes to play a small part in reducing landfill waste, cleaning the air, and preserving the natural landscape. But we double our efforts when we get our kids involved, helping them understand the why to our what.

When they get it, it’ll be second nature when they’re adults—and that much easier to pass it down to their children.

Here are some small, easy, green choices we can make in our homes. Choose three that you’re not already doing, and make them a habit this year.

40 ways to go greener at home (besides recycling)

40 easy ways to go greener at home—besides recycling

1.  Plant an herb garden.  It’s good to have a reminder around of where our food originates, and this one is super easy.

2.  Switch all your lightbulbs to CFLs (or at least switch a few).

3.  Create a homemade compost bin for $15.

4.  Switch one appliance to an energy efficient model (look for the “energy star” label).


Photo from Flip & Tumble

5.  Stop using disposable bags. Order some reusable bags—my favorites are Flip & Tumble. Or, make your own—they’re insanely easy.

6.  Buy an inexpensive reusable water bottle, and stop buying plastic disposable bottles (my favorite is the Kleen Kanteen with the sport cap.  Then watch The Story of Bottled Water, a short movie about the bottled water phenomena.

7.  Wash laundry in cold water instead of hot.

8.  Turn off lights when you leave the room.

9.  Don’t turn on lights at all for as long as you can—open your curtains and enjoy natural light.

10.  Drive the speed limit, and combine all your errands for the week in one trip.


Photo by Kamyar Adi

11.  Better yet, walk or ride a bike to your errands that are two miles or closer.

12.  Support your local economy and shop at your farmer’s market.

13.  Turn off your computer completely at night.

14.  Research whether you can sign up for green power from your utility company.

15.  Pay your bills online. Not only is it greener, it’s a sanity saver.

16.  Put a stop to unsolicited mail—sign up to opt out of pre-screened credit card offers.  While you’re at it, if you’re in the U.S., go ahead and make sure you’re on the “do not call” list, just to make your life more peaceful.

17.  Reuse scrap paper.  Print on two sides, or let your kids color on the back side of used paper.

18.  Conduct a quick energy audit of your home.

19.  Subscribe to good natural living blogs—I dig Shalom Mama, You Grow Girl, Keeper of the Home, Kitchen Stewardship, and DIY Natural.

20.  Before buying anything new, first check your local Craigslist or Freecycle.

21.  Support local restaurants that use food derived less than 100 miles away, and learn more about the benefits of eating locally.

22.  Fix leaky faucets.

23.  Make your own household cleaners.  I’ve got quite a few recipes in my first book, Organized Simplicity.


Photo by Kasia

24.  Line dry your laundry.

25.  Watch The Story of Stuff with your kids, and talk about the impact your household trash has on our landfills (I don’t love some of their politics, but I can overlook it when watching).

26.  Learn with your kids about another country or culture, expanding your knowledge to other sides of the world.

28.  Lower the temperature on your hot water heater.

29.  Unplug unused chargers and appliances.

30.  Repurpose something. It’s fun.

31.  Collect rainwater, and use it to water your houseplants and garden.


Photo by Lori Ann

32.  Switch to cloth diapers – or at least do a combination with disposables. Even one cloth diaper per day means 365 fewer disposables in the landfill each year.

33.  Switch to shade-grown coffee with the “Fair Trade” label.

34.  Use a Diva Cup for your monthly cycles. At the risk of TMI, I’ve been using mine for more than five years now. (Update: Eight years and counting.)

35.  Use cloth instead of paper to clean your kitchen. Be frugal, and make these rags out of old towels and t-shirts.

36.  Use cloth napkins daily instead of paper.

37.  Read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, and be utterly inspired.

38.  Repurpose glass jars as leftover containers and bulk storage, especially in the kitchen.

39.  Watch the myriad documentaries on Netflix about the food industry and environment. Some of my favorites are Food Inc., Amazing Planet, Discovery Atlas, and Food Matters. My daughter was totally mesmerized with that last one—it’s insanely important that our kids understand where our food originates.

40.  Donate to—and shop at—thrift stores.  You’ll be recycling perfectly usable items, you’ll be supporting your local economy, and you’ll be saving money.

Celebrate Spring with two seasonal tarts

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All photos are by Aimee.

Ah, spring… After a long winter of eating potatoes, squash and carrots, she welcomes us with a tantalizing array of fresh new produce: bright green asparagus, cheery red radishes and seductive, oh-so-sweet strawberries.

Why does this bounty taste so good right about now? Because this is exactly when God intended it to be eaten! It is in season, meaning this is the time of the year it is meant to be enjoyed. It has naturally ripened on the vine or in the earth, it is fresh and, best of all, it’s affordable.

These days, with every fruit and vegetable known to man available year-round at our supermarkets, awareness of our planet’s natural food seasons is rapidly diminishing.

Curious as to why you should eat seasonal produce, as opposed to whatever is featured on the front of your weekly flier? Here are a few reasons:

Eating in season…

  • Tastes better! It is ripened naturally (as opposed to picked prematurely for shipping purposes), harvested when perfect, and its sheer freshness provides us with a boost of extra nutrition. Surprise! Your fruit is actually is full of juice and flavour when it is enjoyed in its appropriate growing season.
  • Saves on energy used to transport food. Way too many veggies are jet-lagged from those long trips from South America to your neighborhood grocery store – and more seriously, too much fossil fuel is being consumed to get them there.
  • Supports local growers. Buttercup loved Farm Boy in The Princess Bride, and we love him too. Wouldn’t you rather support your community and the home team? While you may not see your purchases making an impact on a global scale, your requests for local, farm-grown food might change a Farm Boy’s future.
  • Saves money. Costs are way, way down for produce in season. What’s not to like about that? You may not realize, but we pay a premium for food that has traveled a long way. Skip the berries selling for $4.99 a pint in January (they’re unripe and tasteless anyway), and wait until May when they are practically giving them away for $.99 a pint, and they taste like strawberries should.
  • Teaches our children about nature’s cycles and the passing of the seasons. Most kids can tell you that pumpkins turn up in the fall, but how many can pinpoint the asparagus season?

To better inform yourself of what is available and when, a great site to start with is Eat the Seasons. Updated every week, it lists what food is currently in season (including things like oysters and wild mushrooms, because they, too, have seasons) and is full of tips and recipe ideas.

I don’t know about you, but I am tired of disappointing off-season produce. This past winter I had enough rock-hard  peaches, completely tasteless cantaloupe, and woody pineapples to drive this point home to me. Why I practically threw that money away, I’m not entirely sure, but it probably boils down to consumerism at it’s finest: I want what I want, when I want it.

From now on, I am going to try to celebrate each season as it comes and take my menu-planning cues from nature.

Here are two recipes to get started. Granted, fresh strawberries need no other embellishment than a dollop of whipped cream, and asparagus can be simply steamed and served with a slathering of butter; however, should you want to dress either of these noble spring ingredients up, here are two simple recipes for an appetizer and a dessert.

Both recipes are adapted from Martha Stewart.

asparagus tart

Asparagus Gruyère Tart

  • Flour, for the work surface
  • 500 grams puff pastry
  • 1 1/2 cups Gruyère cheese, shredded
  • 1 1/2 pounds medium or thick asparagus
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • Salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. On a floured surface, roll the puff pastry into a 16×10-inch rectangle. Trim uneven edges. Place pastry on a baking sheet. With a sharp knife, lightly score pastry dough 1 inch in from the edges to mark a rectangle. Using a fork, pierce dough inside the markings at 1/2-inch intervals. Bake until golden, about 15 minutes.

Remove the pastry shell from the oven, and sprinkle with Gruyère. Trim the bottoms of the asparagus spears to fit crosswise inside the tart shell; arrange in a single layer over Gruyère, alternating ends and tips. Brush with oil, and season with salt and pepper. Bake until spears are tender, 20 to 25 minutes.

Serve warm.

strawberry galette

Strawberry Galette

  • 1 pound strawberries, hulled
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 2 teaspoons cornstarch
  • 1 egg yolk
  • 1 tablespoon water
  • 1 tablespoon cold butter, cut into pieces
  • 250 grams puff pastry

On a floured surface, roll pastry to 1/4 inch thick round. Transfer to a parchment-lined baking sheet and chill for 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350F.

Cut strawberries lengthwise into 1/4 inch slices. Toss with sugar and cornstarch, and immediately arrange in concentric circles on the dough – start 1 inch from edge, overlapping slices slightly. Fold the edge of dough over the berries. Whisk together yolk and water. Brush the dough with egg wash, and dot berries with butter.

Bake until pastry is golden brown, about 40 minutes. Cool. Slice like a pizza and serve with whipped cream or ice cream.

Do you have a favorite month at your local farmer’s market? What is a seasonal dish you love?

Help! We just can’t seem to communicate

Help! We just can’t seem to communicate

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If you’ve been in a serious relationship for any length of time, you know full well that communication problems and misunderstandings occur. It’s inevitable.

Every couple has had times where they simply could not communicate. Right?

So what happened to transform your relationship – where one day you understood each other perfectly, and the next, you’re at odds because you’re having trouble communicating?  Are you thinking that you and your spouse would benefit from some assertiveness training and learning more about the use of “I” statements?

Let me offer an alternate view of what is more likely happening.  You’re not having trouble communicating – you’re having trouble handling the message. “We just can’t communicate” is the number one complaint couples bring into marriage counseling.

Communication in marriage is about handling what another person thinks and feels.

And when this person is important in your life – as I hope your spouse is to you – then the messages they deliver can be more difficult to hear. Quite frankly, your spouse may disagree with you on some things. Their take may be different than yours.  But that’s good. Who wants to be married to themselves?
In order to address the common myths about communication problems, try this:

1. Recognize that when you are having trouble communicating, you’ve got a great opportunity to grow.

Spend some time exploring what’s in the message that you don’t like or may be misinterpreting. Be honest with yourself first. Confront yourself before you go after your spouse.

2. Check to see if the message your partner intended to send is the same message you’re about to react to.

If you’re uncertain about the message being delivered, or if the impact of the message on you is negative, ask for clarity before you emotionally react.

Imagine it’s early in the relationship with your significant other – you’re still dating but it’s getting pretty serious. You’re together at a nice restaurant one evening waiting for a table in the crowded bar area. You’re sitting next to each other, your spouse turns to you and say “I need some space.” How would you respond?

There are a couple of different messages being delivered with this statement.

  • One could be that your partner has just informed you that they are feeling the relationship is progressing too quickly and they are feeling confined so in order to soothe their commitment fears they are asking for some room in the relationship.
  • The other possibility is your partner is feeling crowded in the booth you’re sitting on and would like you to scoot over a bit.

The way you react to this message relies completely on your interpretation of what your partner meant. Good communication is when the intent of the speaker matches the impact on the listener. This means that both speaker and listener have equal responsibility for creating effective communication. If you’re unsure about something, ask.

3. Make the obvious, obvious.

If at the end of a stressful day, when one thing after another went wrong, connect with your spouse in the evening and speak up about the obvious stress before you get into it with your spouse. Something like “Hey honey, it’s been a really rough day today, I’d like five to ten minutes to relax and breathe before I hear about your day, all right?”

When there is tension in your life, other people will sense it. You’ve likely experienced this before. Your spouse enters the house after a horrific day, and before you even see them, the mood has shifted. The best way to disarm the elephant in the room is to openly point it out.

4. Speak up.

I don’t advocate removing the filter between your brain and your mouth, but I do think married couples need to speak up more. How often do you avoid talking out of fear or your spouse’s reaction? There are times when you need to speak up in order to help your marriage AND yourself grow.

Many couples fall victim to thinking, “if my spouse really cared about me, they’d be able to figure out what I’m feeling or thinking.” What part of your vows stated you’d read each other’s minds for as long as you both shall live? I’m guessing that wasn’t part of the ceremony.

Stop sitting back waiting for your spouse to pick up on the fact that you’re frustrated, pissed, hurt, or lonely – and speak up.

Two things will happen. One, you will grow up more because you’ve taken charge of your thoughts and emotions, and two, your partner will grow up because you’re treating him or her like an adult who’s capable of handling more of you.

Let’s discuss – how does this view of communication compare with what happens in your marriage?

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11 cheap (and free!) toys for young children

11 cheap (and free!) toys for young children

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The price of toys these days is disheartening. They can also be loud, obnoxious, and cheaply-made. I stand firmly in the camp of having fewer, but high-quality toys than having a thousand pieces of plastic to trip over, pick up, and lose. Plus, the less toys “do,” the more creative your child can be with them – when the toy sings and tells you to push buttons, the child is robbed a bit of her imagination and freedom to find all sorts of ingenious ways to play with it.

Even though I’d much rather pay 30 dollars for a set of wooden blocks that will stay with us forever, creative toys don’t have to be expensive. In fact, some of them are downright free. Here are just a few we love around here:

1. Egg cartons.

They make great caterpillars, they’re good storage containers for little treasures found on walks, and they can become airline seats for little animal toys.

2. Chalk.

On sidewalks, on chalkboards, on driveways – endless fun, and it hoses right off.

3. Water and cups.

Our 3-year-old loves to “wash” dishes. Just give her a step stool in front of the sink and a few dishes – she’s lost in her own world.

4. Paper and safety scissors.

Old newspapers, expired coupons, and scrap paper – give some to your kiddo with a pair of safety scissors, and he’ll be engrossed for hours.

5. Dried beans or rice.

It’s fun to pour into bowls and cups of different sizes, and it’s a good sensory exercise. Sand works well, too.

5. Toilet paper or paper towel tubes.

They’re great telescopes for your budding pirate, you can cover the ends and pour some dried beans inside for a musical shaker, or you can sit them upright as bowling pins.

6. Old clean socks.

Roll them up into balls, or get some markers and wear them on your hand for classic sock puppets.

7. Washed out empty food containers.

My daughter loves to play kitchen, and she’s stocked with some of our empty syrup, ketchup, and dressing bottles. No need to buy a child-size version of the same plastic thing.

8. Balloons.

Indoor volleyball is fun for everyone.  And armed with a marker, they’re transformed into silly faces.

9. Books.

My absolute favorite. The child who doesn’t like to read is missing out on adventure, meeting new people, and traveling through time.  Be sure to stick with twaddle-free books.  If your child isn’t creazy about reading yet, Sara from On Simplicity wrote a great guest post with 30 ways to get your child ready to read.

10. Paper and crayons.

It’s a classic for a reason – give your child a blank canvas, and anticipate their creation. It’s a joy to watch their process.

11. A cardboard box.

You knew this one would be on the list, didn’t you? Every child loves a big, unused cardboard box to transform into a clubhouse, a fort, a time machine, and a tent. Hours of fun, indeed.

Using simple toys, or reusing basic items as playthings, is environmentally responsible, it’s a catalyst for creativity, and it’s incredibly inexpensive.

Now it’s your turn, and I know you have ideas – what are your cheap or free standbys? What enthralls your child for hours?
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This post was originally published on August 18, 2008.